October 5, 2010 @ 6:41 am | Filed under: Food and Drink
4 large good baking apples (I used Golden Delicious) - 1/4 cup brown sugar
- 1 teaspoon cinnamon
- 1/4 cup chopped pecans
- 1/4 cup chopped raisins
- 1 Tbsp butter
- 3/4 cup boiling water
1Preheat oven to 375°F. Wash apples. Remove cores to 1/2 inch of the bottom of the apples. It helps if you have an apple corer, but if not, you can use a paring knife to cut out first the stem area, and then the core. Use a spoon to dig out the seeds. Make the holes about 3/4-inch to an inch wide.
2 In a small bowl, combine the sugar, cinnamon, currants/raisins, and pecans. Place apples in a 8-inch-by-8-inch square baking pan. Stuff each apple with this mixture. Top with a dot of butter (1/4 of the Tbps).
3 Add boiling water to the baking pan. Bake 30-40 minutes, until tender, but not mushy. Remove from the oven and baste the apples several times with the pan juices.
If you’d like, serve warm with vanilla ice cream on the side. (MJ would have LOVED this but we were staying within our WW points so we refrained…)
Makes 4 servings.
Fall Treat, recipes, Tasty Tuesdays
October 4, 2010 @ 5:26 pm | Filed under: Family,Pure Sunshine
of a weekend well-lived…
1.) Carter’s FIRST football game since having his cast removed! BIG DAY!
2.) Next up…Madie’s volleyball game. The girl’s got game, y’all – she made us PROUD!
3.) Moments I treasured when they didn’t even know I was looking!
A weekend well-lived. A weekend well-loved.
contentment, Family, grandkids, nieces
October 1, 2010 @ 6:05 am | Filed under: Books,The Writing Life
MELROSE MIRACLE
by Staci Wilder
Chapter Sixteen
Ella’s heart was divided during the short cab ride back to the Radisson.
Ben and Henry were going to check out a neighborhood comedy club and had invited her to join them. Torrie had continued to ignore Ella, ducking out of the studio as soon as the elimination ceremony ended. Even Patty had plans—her husband was flying in from Iowa, planning to spend the remainder of the competition close to her side.
Ella knew she had every reason to celebrate. Surviving tonight’s elimination ceremony meant another small victory, one step closer to the realization of the dream she so desperately wanted for herself, and for Chloe.
But the victory seemed hollow without any firm resolutions with Luke. She’d looked for him on set today, but someone said he’d taken the day off. So she’d been shocked to see him as she’d left the studio. She’d wanted to say so much, and yet had left so much unsaid.
After last night’s fiasco at Café Med, there really wasn’t anything left to say.
As drunk as she was, Torrie had been able to articulate, in a matter of a few sloppy seconds, the very things Ella’s heart had tried to ignore. Now that the truth had been laid out—no matter how dissected it may have been—there was no reining it back in. It was out there. The sooner she accepted it, the sooner she’d have Luke Abney purged from her heart and mind.
Stephen Paglia had been the love of her life. Was the love of her life. He’d been the one to hold her hand as she crossed that invisible line between girlhood and womanhood. He’d been her first in every sense of the word. The first to hold her hand. The first boy to kiss her. The first—the only—man who’d touched her body and had shown her the power of love between a man and a woman.
The fact that she could so easily be attracted to another man frightened her. But even more than that, it shamed her. Stephen had loved her fiercely, right up until the very end, before he drew his last, ragged breath.
“I love you, Ella girl.” His voice—raspy from the chemo—was soft in her ear. “I’ll always watch over you.” His eyes had been closed, but he’d held her hand tightly. “You and Chloe. I’ll always be with you, El.”
The memory of that last night with Stephen shot through Ella’s senses and she shivered. Those words had been her comfort for so many weeks and months after the funeral. Though she’d lost faith in God, Ella clung to the belief that somehow Stephen really was watching over her and Chloe. That hope brought a small measure of peace. Enough for her to drag herself out of bed the next day, anyway.
What had happened to that belief? If Stephen was watching now—Ella couldn’t bring herself to finish that thought. Shame flushed her cheeks and she fought the hot tears that stung the backs of her eyes.
He’d be crushed, that’s what. Her mind ran ahead of her, in spite of the pain these thoughts caused her. The mental image of Stephen observing her with Luke—laughing, holding hands, flirting—was almost more than she could bear. What had she been thinking? How could she let go of Stephen so readily, so easily?
Ella scrubbed at her eyes with the back of her hand, relieved to see the taxi pulling up to the curb of the hotel. All she wanted now was the sanctity of her room.
The lobby of the Radisson buzzed with people. It was Friday night in LA—Ella’s second weekend in the City of Lights and her heart just didn’t feel up to the celebration. Weaving her way through the maze of bodies, she stood in line at the elevators.
Her eyes went unbidden to the cluster of chairs where she and Luke had spent so many hours just days ago. An elderly man with a pot belly now occupied the chair Luke had sat in. But even the sight of the portly man couldn’t dim the image she carried of Luke in his starched khakis and button-down.
Ella rode the elevator up to the third floor. But once in her room, the restlessness inside her only grew. Talking to Chloe helped some, but the little girl was at a McDonald’s playground with Reggie. Taking a break from the Ronald McDonald slide to talk to Mommy wasn’t her idea of a good time.
“I can’t believe Reggie Bradshaw is actually sitting in a McDonald’s.” Ella laughed when Reggie rescued her cell phone from the floor where Chloe had dropped it. “Are they serving filet mignon now? Grilled halibut?”
“Very funny, girl.” Reggie’s voice sounded lighter than it had in years. “I think maybe I’ve developed a palate for Big Macs, believe it or not!”
Ella dissolved in giggles and stretched across the bed. “You have not!” She rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. “That process is painful, and takes…I don’t know, sometimes months to cultivate!”
“Yeah, well, you know me. I’m a quick learner.”
Reggie’s deep laugh reached through the line and across the miles. Ella felt her stomach lurch. She missed home. She longed for the simple things that she’d been unable to pack in her suitcases back in Milltown. Things like watching Chloe play on the playground. Munching on French fries even though they ate up too many Weight Watcher points. Hanging out with Reggie.
“So how was today?” Her best friend’s voice sliced through her thoughts. “I assume you survived the elimination tonight, right? Or are you calling to say that you’re packing your bags and are catching the red-eye to come rescue me from the perils of Big Mac attacks?”
Ella giggled again, but this time a sob caught in her throat. “Um. No, I’m still in it.”
“Hey, what is it, El? Are you crying?”
“No. Well, not really.” Ella covered her eyes with one hand. How best to explain to your best friend that you’re doing great in a competition that she herself sacrificed to help get you to—and yet now all you want is to turn in your apron and come running home? “I’m fine, really. Just tired, I guess.”
“Are you sure you’re okay? Is everyone playing nice?”
“Yes, everyone’s great.” No need in discussing Torrie now—there’d be time enough for that after the competition. “I guess that’s what makes this reality series different. We really do wish we could all be winners.”
“And Mr. Blond?” Reggie’s voice dripped with honey. “How’s the cutie?”
Ella sat up on the bed and pulled her knees up to her chest. “Reg—I don’t know.”
There was a rustle on the other end of the line. “Hey, El, hang on a minute, will you?” More rustling, then a muted, Chloe Paglia, you come back here!
Ella’s tears trailed down to her smiling mouth as she listened to Reggie try to cajole Chloe from some hiding place. Ella could imagine Reggie trying to wiggle her way through the narrow brightly colored tunnel in a desperate attempt to capture the active toddler before she turned the corner out of reach. What she wouldn’t give to be with the two of them right now…
“Sorry ‘bout that, Ella.” Reggie was huffing. “Your …daughter went up…the slide—backwards, I might add—and…I had to go…up…after her!”
“Aw, you’re such a good auntie.” Ella grinned. Now that was a Kodak moment if ever there’d been one.
“Okay, let me catch my breath! That’s right, Chloe, stay right here where Aunt Reg can watch you, ‘kay?” Another deep breath. “Now what were you saying about Mr. Blond?”
“It’s over.”
“Over? How can it be over? When did it start?” Reggie’s voice sounded almost confused as Ella felt.
“I guess there’s a lot I haven’t told you.” Ella couldn’t believe so much had happened since she’d left Louisiana two weeks ago. “He’s wonderful—Luke, I mean. Truly a wonderful man, Reggie.”
“Mmhm. Okay, so what’s the problem? He’s not married, is he? Or gay?”
Ella laughed. “No, nothing like that. Reg, listen to this. He even prayed for me one night before an elimination. Out loud.”
“Uh-oh.” Reggie paused. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I mean, he’s not some weirdo, stalker-guy, is he? He doesn’t like, preach on the street corners, does he?”
“No, silly. Nothing like that.” Ella hunted for a way to explain Luke. “He is gentle, and kind, and understanding. And it is obvious that his faith is very important to him.”
Ella could hear Reggie adjust the straw in her cup and then take a slurp of drink. She waited. They’d been friends long enough for Ella to know Reggie was using these seconds to think.
“I’m not sure I understand, Ella.” Reggie finally answered. “I mean, those qualities sound like the very ones you look for in a man. At least, the ones you used to look for. Remember when you started dating Stephen?”
Ella dropped her head to her knees, and squeezed her eyes shut. Reggie’s words hit her heart dead-center, like a dart on a target. She remembered, all right. Ella had refused all of Stephen’s advances until she’d done some checking, and realized that he really did attend church faithfully. Their first date had been to a college and career baseball game her church had sponsored. They’d spent the entire two hours, high in the bleachers, doing nothing but talking. By the time they’d said their good-nights, Ella had known she’d found a man who shared her faith in God.
Now, years later, she’d met a man she could talk to again. A man who made her feel all those exciting, wild emotions Ella thought would never be hers again. While Stephen would always remain safe in her heart, Ella now knew there was a longing inside her that Stephen could no longer fulfill. The realization made her sick with guilt.
And then there was the fact that Luke Abney wore his faith like other men wore their favorite team T-shirts: boldly emblazoned for all to see. Knowing what she’d gone through…How she’d prayed and believed and trusted God, only to lose Stephen anyway…
“That’s part of the problem, I think. I don’t know that I could ever share that part of his life.” She tried to explain it to Reggie. “You know how I feel about this, Reggie. I love it that there are people like Luke that have such a strong faith in prayer and in healing…But I can’t go there. Not again. Not after—”
Ella didn’t finish her sentence. She didn’t have to. Reggie had been the one with her night after night through those first few lonely weeks. Nights when she’d punched her pillow, wet with her salty tears, railing at God for ignoring her pleas to spare Stephen’s life. The voice of God had been as quiet to her then as it had been during Stephen’s illness. She’d given up then. Decided that kind of faith just wasn’t for her.
“I’m not even going to pretend to know just how you’re feeling, Ella. You know about me and my background with church and God. Or rather, the lack of background.”
Reggie had been raised by parents who’d not only shunned church, but had kept their children from attending Sunday School as well. While Reggie certainly didn’t begrudge anyone who attended church, she’d been raised to believe that a person was responsible for their own life. If you had a good life then it was because you got out there and worked hard for it. Made things happen. If you experienced rough spots then you had to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and try harder.
This difference had been a brief bone of contention in their relationship, during their college years. It wasn’t until later that Ella had realized it wasn’t a lack of faith on Reggie’s part. She simply didn’t know God.
Yet it had been Reggie who’d held her close during her darkest days, whispering for her to hold onto her faith. Not to give up. Ella had wondered, during those grief-filled nights, why her friend urged her to hang onto something to which Reggie, herself, didn’t lay claim.
“Ella, honey, we need to talk about this more. We really do. But your daughter is getting tired. I think she may have fallen asleep inside the tunnel!”
Ella could hear Reggie start for the playground, and then a few whispered words. Ella could picture her friend scooping her sleepy daughter into her arms. She longed to feel those baby arms wrapped around her own neck.
“Okay, El, I’ve got her. We’re about to head home. Want me to call you later?”
“No, you go ahead and get some rest yourself. Sounds like you need it.” She glanced at her watch. “I think I may go out by myself for a while. It’s only eight o’clock here.”
“You do that, honey. And Ella, you’re doing great! Just think, a couple more challenges and you’ll be America’s next IT girl!”
Ha! That was a hoot! Maybe for a show like Laugh-In. Reggie hadn’t been around to see the lobster incident. Or the case of the screwed-up teleprompter.
Or Luke Abney’s eyes when she stepped off the elevator wearing the black dress. Or the way his finger had toyed with her hair. And there was no way for Reggie to know the delightful things that happened to Ella’s heart every time Luke was around. But there also was no way to tell her best friend that her heart had betrayed her husband in the process.
For that, Ella felt no redemption.
Restless and hurting, Ella scrambled to her feet and hunted for her shoes. Suddenly the hotel room seemed cramped and confining. Like the walls would absolutely close in on her if she didn’t get out fast. Grabbing her purse, she headed out, not having a clue where she might go. Anywhere is better than staying here.
Ten minutes later, Ella stood in the hotel foyer, thumbing through the brochure stand. Surely there was something in the area that appealed to her. Something besides the obvious nightlife. It seemed as though almost everything in LA revolved around trendy restaurants, cozy pubs, or jazzy nightclubs. Ella hoped for a quieter evening. No, wait—it was an absolute requirement for tonight.
She smiled, remembering the brochure she still carried in her bag. The one with the kitschy title: Blended Hearts: Simple Solutions for Single Parents. The information inside had been nothing like she’d expected to see.
As it turned out, Blended Hearts had nothing to do with the dating scene, but everything to do with single parenthood. A monthly support group that met once a month, Blended Hearts covered issues like how to handle being the only disciplinarian and what to do when your child asks difficult questions about his absentee parent.
Ella pulled it out now. Lex had said the group met the third Friday of each month. That would be tonight. If she didn’t like it, or felt out of place in the group, meeting in a place like Mocha Lights, should make taking an early exit a fairly simple thing to do.
It certainly beat sitting upstairs in her hotel room, thinking about Luke Abney.
*****
A darkly handsome man looked up from behind the counter when Ella pulled open the doors of Mocha Lights. “Welcome!” His deep voice boomeranged in the quiet stillness of the shop.
“You must be Micah.” She watched as he topped a drink with whipped cream, and then plunked a cherry on top. “This is your place, right?”
“Every coffee bean, every book.” He smiled and Ella was struck by the warmth in his chocolate brown eyes. “And I am Micah. Micah Brenner.”
“Hi, Micah. Nice to meet you. I’m Ella.”
“I take it this isn’t your first time here, Ella? ” Micah Brenner slid the drink across the counter to a waiting customer, nodding his thanks.
“No,” she smiled, instantly liking the man. “I was here once before, when Lex was working.”
Micah’s smile seemed to brighten at the boy’s name. “Ah, yes, Lex.” He nodded, his eyes taking on a far-away look. “That boy is really coming along. He’s been a big help to me.” He reached for a white towel, scrubbed it across his hands, and faced her again. “So, Ella, what can I get you?”
Ella peered up at the chalkboard menu. She hated to think how many Weight Watcher flex points she’d have to use for another macchiato. But it had been so good…
“Want to let me make you a house special?”
Ella grinned. Why not? “Sure, go for it.”
She watched as Micah moved about, obviously very at home in this element. He popped open cans, operated levers on the machines, and added a mix of this and a bit of that, all the while chatting about the great LA weather.
“Here you go, Miss Ella.” He set the drink in front of her. “Enjoy.”
“How much do I owe you?” Ella lifted the cup to her mouth and raised her eyebrows with delight. “Yum! This is really good!”
“This one’s on the house. The first special is always my treat.”
Ella felt her eyebrows rise in surprise. She’d have never guessed she’d find this kind of retreat from the hubbub she was beginning to know as LA, and certainly not this kind of hospitality.
“Thank you. It’s delicious.” She took another sip and wiped a smudge of whipped cream from her upper lip. “Maybe you could answer a question for me.”
“I’ll sure try.” Micah placed his hands on the counter and leaned forward. “What’s the question?”
Ella sat the warm cup down and retrieved the brochure from her purse. “I was wondering about the Blended Hearts meeting. They meet here, right? Is it tonight?”
A big grin creased his face. “Certainly is.” He glanced at the wall clock behind him. “Should get started in about ten minutes. Delaney Pruitt heads it up.” He nodded toward the front door. “That’s her coming in right now.”
Ella turned to see a woman in her mid-forties—shoulder-length bob and sharp black-rimmed glasses—come through the door with a large shoulder bag and a stack of books.
“Micah, I come bearing gifts.”
“I see that.” The grin took up half Micah’s face as he hurried around the counter to relieve her of half her load. “Delaney, I’d like you to meet Ella. Ella, this is Delaney.” He held a barstool while Delaney Pruitt climbed up. “Ella here is interested in joining you tonight, Delaney.”
Delight illuminated the woman’s face. Though not beautiful in the traditional sense, Ella found this woman fascinating, both in appearance and in energy. Behind her glasses, green eyes seemed to twinkle as they turned on Ella. “Really? How wonderful for us—a new face!”
Ella shrugged, feeling a little conspicuous. “I’m just in town for a few days.” She pointed to the brochure. “I saw this in my hotel lobby.”
Delaney Pruitt turned an appreciative gaze on Micah. “Guess you were right about that marketing plan, Mr. Brenner.”
“I guess I was, Ms. Pruitt.”
Ella looked from one to the other. They appeared to be close friends, but anyone within a ten foot radius of this couple could feel the energy they generated together. She almost felt like an intruder on their conversation. She took another slow sip of her coffee, wondering if they’d forgotten she was standing there.
“Ella,” Delaney took the steaming cup of coffee Micah handed her and stood up. “Our group meets in the room just behind the books. We’d be honored to have you join us.”
Ella nodded. “I’d love to.”
She waved to Micah and then followed Delaney through the maze of shelves and books. She had no idea what to expect or who else she might meet. But the warmth and welcome she’d just received at the hands of two strangers filled her up. It was almost enough to make her forget about Luke Abney.
Almost.
Free Fiction Fridays, Staci Wilder books, writing
September 28, 2010 @ 6:29 am | Filed under: Food and Drink,The Fit Life
I’ve tried several new recipes lately that have me super excited.
Several of them are Weight Watcher recipes, courtesy of my friend, Kayla Mansour, who is an amazing WW leader. Though I’ve never been a huge fan of sloppy joes, nor of ground turkey, I have to say – this dish had me at hello.
It smelled just that good.
It tasted even better.
But don’t take my word for it. Try it! You’ll be glad you did.
Ingredients:
2 pounds ground lean turkey
1 medium onion, chopped
1 cup Catsup
12 oz diet Coke
Brown the ground turkey and onions together in a skillet sprayed with non-stick spray. Be sure the turkey is well browned.
Add the catsup and diet Coke. Simmer uncovered on medium heat until the cola and catsup cook down to a rich, thick sauce. Serve on whole-wheat burger buns.
DELISH!
Makes 10 sandwiches @ 5 Pts each (including the bun)
Use Sandwich thins and they are 2 Pts. each!
Recipe courtesy of: Kayla Mansour, Weight Watcher Leader
healthy recipes, recipes, Tasty Tuesdays
September 27, 2010 @ 4:52 pm | Filed under: Uniquely Me
I’m trying to slow things down, even if for only a few minutes.
School work slammed me last week, and I was pretty much held hostage by a whole host of papers, exams, research topics, and projects.
In between all the craziness, though, there were moments of pure bliss. And even though I missed blogging about them right after they happened, I certainly don’t want to miss mentioning them because…they were THAT special to me.
So…to recap…
1.) Madie turned 11! In true family fashion, we celebrated BIG.
Then after that HUGE meal and even BIGGER amounts of LAUGHTER and LOVE, it was time to head back to the grindstone for several more days of hard work and deadlines. Boo.
Friday DID finally arrive, however, and with its arrival came a very special evening. Our dear friends were installed as the new pastors of a great church. Our own pastor delivered a touching keynote message. The entire night was amazing on every level and MJ and I were so honored to share the night – and the experience – with some of the BEST people we know. Dawn and Kevin – we LOVE you dearly!
We arrived back home in Commerce a little after midnight, and were back up at 6:30 the next morning. I would say, bright n’ early, except there was nothing bright going on at all. It was a dark and stormy morning, to be sure, but the Bois d’ Arc Bash 5K Run was on – rain OR shine!
So we pulled on our shoes, caps…and rain ponchos…and lined up at the entry booth to receive our bib numbers and race maps. Then we stretched, chatted, and tried to stay out of the rain until the call came to approach the starting line.
Then the next thirty-five minutes were some of the MOST fun I’ve ever had with my husband. I had to laugh as I thought of all the weeks of training I had endured and how NONE of it had prepared me for running in a torrential downpour and leaping deep and wide puddles with a single bound…
We managed to cross the finish line TOGETHER and we must have been grinning from ear to ear because amid all the cheers I made out, “Look at those smiles!’ And I have no doubt we WERE smiling. It was fun, plain and simple.
MJ didn’t have the luxury of the same amount of training times so the effort he put forth is all the more to be praised. He’s my hero! He also makes me laugh – a LOT.
I walked into the living room late Saturday afternoon and found him sitting in his chair. “How’s your body?”
“It hurts.” He patted his lower stomach. “Everything from my navel down.”
Like I said, he makes me laugh.
And when I laugh – with MJ, with our family, with friends – I gulp in big breaths of fresh air.
Just the remedy for an intense week, don’t you think?
September 24, 2010 @ 2:55 pm | Filed under: Books,The Writing Life
MELROSE MIRACLE
by Staci Wilder
Chapter Fifteen
The tension in the green room the next morning was thick enough to slice with a knife.
Torrie sat in a chair, apart from the group, her forehead resting in her hand. Ella almost felt sorry for her. The poor girl must have a headache the size of Texas, after last night’s drinking spree.
Deidra, still miffed at nearly being eliminated the day before, sat hunched on the sofa, glowering at anyone who dared look her way. Ben and Henry played a quiet game of cards in the corner. But the real clincher was that Henry seemed to have laid aside his jokes for a much quieter past-time. Ella found the change stark. Their reticent demeanors accentuated the palpable tension among the group of remaining contestants.
Patty poured herself a cup of coffee from the food service table. She stirred in a packet of sugar and stared at Ella. For her part, Ella felt too disturbed over last night’s events and too anxious over today’s challenge to work up the effort to even care that scary Patty was doing the staring thing again.
“What hap…happened?” Patty came and stood beside her.
“Huh?” Ella closed the magazine she’d been flipping through. “What do you mean?”
Patty pointed around the room. “Something’s dif…different today. Don’t you feel it?”
Ella felt it all right. The needles of pain from Torrie’s comment on Stephen still gouged her. Sure the girl had been drunk beyond reason when she’d uttered them. But underneath the mean, bitter tone, Torrie’s words had hit on a small nugget of truth. A truth that Ella had wanted to ignore until last night.
She only shrugged now and attempted a smile at Patty. “I don’t know.”
“You o..o-kay?”
Now it was Ella’s turn to stare. She’d never noticed Patty’s speech before. Thinking over the past couple of weeks, Ella couldn’t recall hearing the mysterious woman actually participate in a conversation. The stutter surprised her, but not nearly as much as when Patty sat down on the sofa next to her.
“Uh…yeah, I’m okay.” Ella scooted over to make room.
Patty’s eyes seemed to see through her. “This is tough, is..isn’t it? The comp…competition?” Again, she pointed to the others. “Meet…meet-ing new people.” The woman’s shoulders lifted slightly and she offered a tight grin. “At least that…that’s the hard…hard part for me.”
“It is difficult, that’s for sure.” Ella nodded and twisted around to face Patty, shocked the woman was opening up. Even more shocked to realize she’d known this woman for weeks now and never knew she had a stutter. It had seemed Patty really wanted no part of the group and, apparently, she’d gotten her wish. Otherwise, one of them would have noticed the stutter, wouldn’t they?
No one else in the room seemed to be paying the two of them any attention. That was fine with Ella. After last night’s episode with Torrie, she didn’t feel up to any more confrontations.
This conversation with Patty seemed more important. Her heart went out to the woman as she labored to finish her sentences with minimal stuttering. She suddenly felt honored the woman trusted her enough to share her feelings.
“I’m from…from a small farm…farming com…community.” Patty took a sip of her coffee and nodded. “From Iowa. I have fr…friends there, but…well, I don’t m…make friends ea…easily. Be…because of th…this.”
Patty pointed to her mouth and Ella’s heart wrenched. This woman’s courage was awe inspiring. She darted a glance around the room again. If any of the others had paid any attention to their conversation they were doing a great job of pretending they hadn’t.
How, Ella wondered, had every one of them spent this much time in close quarters with Patty and not known?
“I kn…know ev…everybody th…thinks I…I’m weird.” Patty’s mouth trembled.
“No!” Ella reached over and squeezed the woman’s knee. “That’s not it at all. We—” she indicated everyone in the room—“haven’t had a chance to know you. But I’d like that chance. Really, I would.” She smiled into the woman’s tear-filled eyes. “And I have a feeling the others would too.”
Patty’s mouth twisted into a grin. “I…I don’t kn…know. Maybe th…this is the edge I n…need…”
“Maybe so.” Ella teased back. “How’s it going for you? I mean, how do you handle the cameras, the pressure?” It was hard to ask such a delicate question, but how in the world did Patty hold up under this competition while battling such a severe case of stuttering?
Patty shook her head, her short dark hair swinging with the movement. “It…it does…doesn’t hap…happen out th…there.”
Ella felt her eyes widen in shock. “Oh, Patty,” she reached out and embraced the woman. “I’m still going to try to win this competition, I want you to know that.” She whispered in the woman’s ear. “But if I can’t win it, then I want you to know I’m rooting for you.”
*****
“And then there were six…” Nathan Charleton’s attempt at humor was lost on the finalists.
Ella shifted to her other foot, anxious to learn about the next challenge and get started on it. The quicker she finished the challenges, the sooner she’d be back home with Chloe. And right now, there was no place Ella would rather be than in her run-down apartment in Milltown, cuddling her small daughter.
Last night had been many things. Fun. Exciting. Adventurous.
And then the inevitable drop.
To guilt-ridden. Despair-driven. Heart-rending.
Her heart had enjoyed a brief foray into something that might could be, only to learn by night’s end that it wasn’t in the cards, after all. Luke’s statement of faith had been the first hint. Like an idiot, she’d ignore it, wanting instead to bask in the glow Luke’s lavish attention cast over her.
It had been Torrie’s drunken tirade that had driven the facts home in Ella’s heart. The comments about Stephen were nothing more than poison darts the girl had aimed in Ella’s direction. She understood that. But beneath the anger and the bitterness lay that glaring tiny seed of truth.
That truth was enough to send Ella running.
Now all that remained was to get through this competition. Win or lose, she’d find a way to forget all about Luke Abney.
“Today’s challenge may prove to be enjoyable for you. We certainly hope so anyway. You’ve been working hard this week. So today—” he gestured to a long table with beautifully decorated cakes on top—“you’ll be decorating a cake. Each of you will receive your blue card with your individual break-downs. All you’re asked to do in this challenge is perform the break-down on your card. Don’t worry about the rest of the cake.”
Ella’s interest was piqued, but suspicion nibbled at her excitement. It couldn’t be this simple, it never was. She glanced at Torrie, standing next to her, but she might as well be invisible. Torrie seemed to glare straight through her, not bothering to acknowledge her presence. Whether or not the girl remembered all the events of the night before was unclear to Ella, but Torrie had yet to speak one word to her in the past three hours.
“This should be…a piece of cake!” Henry’s quip seemed to break the ice.
Even Deidra gave way to nervous giggles before playfully bopping Henry on the head.
*****
The finalists were in the big middle of their next challenge just below him.
Luke sat in the control booth with Kurt. He’d switched assignments with Ernie, buying himself an afternoon free of camera duty. Now he lounged back, feet propped on Kurt’s desk, reading The Valley Sun.
“Want to listen in?” Kurt turned, laughing, and offered him a headset. “You really need to see and hear all this. It’s hysterical.”
“What’s up?” Luke glanced over the top the paper. He wasn’t too interested in seeing the day’s activities. That’s why he’d switched assignments with Ernie in the first place. Something had made Ella uncomfortable last night. Something more than Torrie’s obnoxious comments. Whatever it was, he sensed she connected him with this uncertainty. The last thing she needed right now was to have him hovering nearby with his camera. This competition was hers to win; he planned to stay out of her way until she did just that.
“Hang on a second,” Kurt punched a few buttons, adjusting the monitor and feedback. “Okay. They’re decorating a cake, right? But what each of the contestants don’t know is that something has been rigged to go wrong in each of their demos. It’s a riot, man! You should see the looks on their faces!”
“A riot?” Luke turned in spite of himself and scooted his chair closer to the large window that overlooked Sound Stage C. “Sounds cruel, if you ask me.”
Kurt shrugged. “Maybe. But it makes for good TV, you know?”
Luke blew out a frustrated breath and tried to stifle the impulse to belt Kurt. “See? That’s why I don’t like reality television. It’s pointless. All it does is prey on people’s weaknesses. What’s the fun in that?”
Kurt howled. “Come on, man. Put on these phones. Check out Cowboy Ben! He can’t figure out why the stupid cake won’t come out of the pan!”
Luke stared down at the studio floor and slid the headset over his ears. Turning the volume up a bit he zeroed in on Ben’s monologue.
“Uh, okay, folks. Normally, the cake would come out of the pan. I repeat, this is not normal.” All the while Ben banged on the bottom of the metal pan with a wooden spoon. It was only after five minutes and a basic retraction with a sharp knife, that the cake slid unwillingly to the platter.
Marnie called a wrap to the segment and poor Ben was left with a mangled cake—no decorations whatsoever.
Luke had to grin at Ben’s expression. Confusion lined his tanned face as he huddled with Miriam, trying to glean some clear answers to his questions.
“They’re not going to tell them until the elimination ceremony that they’ve all been rigged. The point is to see how well they can handle it when things go haywire.”
“Hmm.” Luke pulled the headset off. The challenge actually made sense. Things often went wrong on set, and it made sense that they would be in a restaurant setting as well. A chef needed to be able to think on his feet. Above all, he needed to remember the cardinal rule and never stop the show.
A new worry niggled at Luke’s conscience. “Has Ella taken her turn yet?”
“Huh?” Kurt pushed back his own headset. “Ella? Uh, no, not yet. Wait, it looks like she’s up next.”
Luke didn’t know if he could watch this, just sit here and be a mere spectator while Ella had her whole demo booby-trapped. Yet the sight of her on the floor below him kept him close. He sighed and slid the headphones back on.
He couldn’t help watching anymore than he could help falling in love with Ella Paglia.
*****
Ella walked on set and took her place behind the counter. She waited for Marnie’s countdown, revved up her Colgate smile, and trained her eyes on the teleprompter.
“On five…four…three…two…one!” Marnie’s arm came down.
“Hi, welcome back. I’m Ella Paglia and today we’re decorating this beautiful yellow cake. The first thing we’re going to do is prepare our icing. We’ll use 2 tsp. of white—”
Ella paused and squinted at the teleprompter. It said two teaspoons of white rice vinegar, but she knew that couldn’t be right. Vanilla is what the recipe called for and vanilla was the item on the demo tray. She hurried to fill in the silence.
“That’s right,” she smiled into the camera, “two teaspoons of vanilla. To that we’ll add one egg—“
The teleprompter read ‘eggplant’. Ella blew out a frustrated breath, making sure the Colgate grin never wavered. “One egg, slightly beaten. When you’ve done that, you’ll gradually add in the powdered do—“
The word ‘donuts’ marched across the teleprompter. This time it took all Ella could do not to giggle. She was being set up, no doubt about it. “The one things you don’t want to do, folks, is dump in a powdered donut, but powdered sugar would be a good thing. About a one-fourth cup.”
It wasn’t until two hours later, at the next elimination ceremony that she learned the full story. Nathan Charleton stood in front of the finalists, a huge grin splitting his face.
“Cowboy Ben, you’ll be relieved to hear this, as will you all. This is the only time in this competition that this will happen. But today each of your demos was rigged to fail.”
Ella smiled at the chorus of groans. Evidently she’d been fortunate enough to figure out that something was amiss much earlier than the others. Deidra, next to her uttered a hushed curse.
“Some of you experienced difficulties with the cake itself. A couple others had impossibly runny icing, not fit to frost anything! And then a couple of you had technical difficulties, either with the teleprompter or with the lighting.”
“Or lack of lighting…” Henry chimed. “I had to ice a cake in the dark, people.”
“The point,” Nathan Charleton went on, “was to see how calm you could stay when the things you’d planned for went awry. The judges were pleased to notice that a few of you kept your wits and your sense of humor. A couple of others, unfortunately, didn’t fare as well. Judges—” the host moved aside—“you can take it from here.”
The judge named Tom stepped forward. “Thank you, Nathan. These are the names of the finalists that we’d like to stay for the next round of Restaurant 101.”
He paused and Ella sucked in a breath.
“Henry…Patty…Ella…Torrie. We’d like you to stay for the next challenge. Ben and Deidra, please step forward.”
Ella listened to Jordan Elliott caution Ben not to panic under pressure. “Use your horse sense, cowboy. Just shoot from the hip till all your dogies are in place again.”
Ben turned a pretty shade of pink, but nodded his head. Apparently it was an analogy he could relate to.
“Deidra, at the last elimination ceremony we cautioned you against slips of the tongue. Yet today you had the same issue. Deidra, we’re going to have to ask you to leave the competition. Ben, we’re inviting you to stay for the next round.”
*****
“Ella, wait.”
She turned at the sound of Luke’s voice and waited while he jogged the short distance to her. “Hey,” she said as he caught up.
“Hey, yourself.” He grinned. “And congratulations! You made it through another round!” He held the outside studio door open for her.
“I’m not quite sure how.” Ella stepped out into the bright late afternoon sunshine. “The competition’s getting stiff.” She couldn’t resist a grin. “Did you see this last challenge?”
“Do you mean the one where you added powdered donuts to your recipe?” Luke howled and reached out, placing a hand on her lower back, guiding her to a shady spot.
She reached out and poked him in the side with a finger. “That’s the one.” She laughed. “I don’t think I’ll ever look at a teleprompter in the same way again!”
“You did great.”
Luke’s voice, warm and close, tickled Ella’s senses.
“Ella,” his voice changed, going an octave lower, and Ella braced for his next words, not quite trusting herself to look up at him. “I’m so sorry about last night.”
“I know. I’m sorry too.” She looked down again, the shame from the night before and all it stood for coming to rest in the air between them. “About a lot of things.”
“Not about seeing me, I hope.” There was just the hint of uncertainty in Luke’s voice. He reached out to touch her arm, and then let his fingers slowly trail down to her hand. “Do we dare try another dinner out?”
Ella watched as he laced his fingers through hers. The warmth of this skin against hers felt wonderful and it would have been so easy to lean into him, to give in to the feelings he stirred in her. Had she learned nothing from last night’s disaster? Even if she one day felt a release to love again, how in the world could her heart choose Luke? Torrie’s poisoned comments had painted dark clouds over a potentially beautiful canvas and, right now, Ella didn’t see how it could all be salvaged.
“Can we take it one day at a time?” She tried for a smile, and hoped it passed as such.
“Sure.” Luke raised her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers lightly. “As many days as you want.”
Ella climbed into the car that waited to take her back to the hotel.
Concentrate, Ella. She forced herself to look away as the driver edged the car down the street. This was the best thing for both of them. Luke might not realize it right now, but she was doing him a favor. Somewhere out there was a woman who was perfect for Luke Abney. Someone without the baggage that she carried. Someone who’d be free to love Luke in exactly the way he deserved.
Free Fiction Fridays, Staci Wilder books, writing
September 17, 2010 @ 8:16 am | Filed under: Faith Lifts,The Solid Rock,The Writing Life,Uniquely Me
A fearless beauty is something I pursue…
devotions, Faith Lifts, walk with God
September 17, 2010 @ 6:49 am | Filed under: The Writing Life,Uniquely Me
MELROSE MIRACLE
by Staci Wilder
Chapter Fourteen
Ella stood between Deidra and Henry, her heart thudding.
The seven finalists faced the panel of judges in the dimmed Sound Stage C. A strange mixture of anxiety and anticipation tickled Ella’s insides, but the fear from the first elimination ceremony was strangely missing.
Henry hummed beneath his breath next to her, and Ella knew the others felt the pressure too. It was kind of crazy, when she stopped to consider it, that a group of adults would willingly put themselves in a position to be judged and scrutinized, almost like they were in an elementary school spelling bee or something.
“Welcome to tonight’s elimination ceremony.” Nathan Charleton faced the contestants. “On behalf of the judges and myself, we want to say how amazing each of you did in today’s challenge. You’ve learned that it’s not easy to multitask on camera and sometimes—when you least expect it—things go wrong.”
“Te-ell me.” Deidra quipped.
Their host smiled. “I see Deidra agrees with me.” He folded his hands. “Unfortunately, the time has come to send one of you home. It isn’t because you haven’t improved, but rather, you haven’t improved at the rate the judges would have liked.”
Nathan Charleton turned to the panel of judges. “Tom, I turn it over to you.”
The judge named Tom stood and walked in front of the seven finalists. Ella felt the tension in their little cluster tighten. Deidra’s fingers found hers and squeezed. The humming on the other side of her grew a bit more intense.
“We saw great things in each of you today. I think you made Marcus Jordan proud. You took his signature recipes and made them your own.” He smiled. “But there were some things that happened that made us question whether some of you really have what it takes to handle full restaurant and chef abilities.”
For the next five minutes the judges gave a running critique on each of their individual performances. Deidra was reprimanded for a slip of the tongue during her fiasco with the eggs. Henry was cautioned against being known as a joke teller on screen instead of a food show host. And Ella was reminded that—although there may be a million other things going on—it was crucial to always keep an eye on your footing.
She nodded. Hopefully she’d have the chance to do so.
“These are the names of the finalists that will continue on to the next challenge.” Tom paused and made eye contact with each of them. Patty…Ben…Ella…Torrie…
Henry.”
Ella’s heart thumped wildly with relief. Her legs felt like giant Gumbys, and she didn’t know which she wanted to do most—laugh or cry.
“Deidra and Dirk, please step forward.”
Ella felt sad for her two teammates. They’d both worked so hard in this competition. She had no doubt they wanted this every bit as much as she did. But only one of them would move on to the next round.
“Deidra,” Tom went on. “You let a word slip out during filming today that—had it gone on air—would have been bleeped by our network censors. I don’t think I have to tell you that is not acceptable.”
Deidra nodded, while the judge moved on to Dirk.
“Dirk, I’m not sure what happened out there today, but you lost control of the segment and never regained it. In this business, a chef has to think on his feet and not be fazed by minor hiccups or breakdowns in processes. You broke the cardinal rule today. You stopped the show. A chef must learn to improvise.”
Both Deidra and Dirk looked contrite. Ella’s heart hurt for them.
“Deidra,” Tom smiled at her, “We’d like you to stay for the next round. You still have a shot in Restaurant 101.
Ella felt a dart of disappointment. She liked both Deidra and Dirk, but felt maybe Dirk’s personality was more in line with the network philosophy. Still, that’s why the judges were here. She joined the others in embracing Dirk, who was amazingly gracious as he said his good-byes.
*****
Ella stared at the clothes on hangers in front of her. She’d packed plenty of straight skirts and tops. Perfect for her stint as a show contestant, but falling miserably short for her dinner date with Luke.
He’d said to dress casual, that they’d go somewhere quiet. Possibly a quaint Italian bistro he knew of. Ella had a closet full of casual, but she wanted something more for tonight. It needed to be special.
That left only the black dress.
Ella stared at it, uncertain. Reggie had thrown it into Ella’s bag at the last minute, insisting she needed at least one dress appropriate for evening wear. Her best friend had been right, as usual, but Ella wasn’t sure Reggie’s choice in dress was right for her.
She ran a tub full of hot water, pouring in a generous capful of plumeria bath crystals. Immersed in the steamy bubbles, Ella let her mind drift to the evening ahead. Her skin tingled with excitement. Between her surprise at making it to the next round and this dinner with Luke, Ella could barely contain it all.
This afternoon’s conversation with Luke replayed across the big screen of Ella’s mind. His gentleness—the way he’d held her hand. The look in his blue eyes—like he felt her pain and wanted to make it better. The unexpected prayer—
Ella sat up in the tub and rubbed the back of her neck.
The prayer. She’d been uncomfortable with that. Not that she didn’t believe in prayer, per se. She did—or at least she used to. But Ella had spent hours on her knees in prayer during Stephen’s illness and especially in those dark days before his death. Until the very end, she’d clung to her faith, knowing, trusting that God was able to heal her husband.
Then Stephen died, and everything changed.
Ella shook her head now, wanting to sweep these thoughts under the rug of her consciousness. Tonight was about Luke. About celebrating. About discovering a new friend. She didn’t know if her heart was jumping too far ahead of the rest of her, but Ella looked forward to finding out.
Stepping from the tub, she toweled off and spritzed a mist of perfume on her wrists and behind her ears. After smoothing lotion onto her legs, she donned the undergarments she’d laid out, then slipped into the black dress and stood in front of the full-length mirror.
The dress was long, coming to rest mid-calf. The silky crepe material hugged her body—not tightly, just gently outlining the silhouette of her figure. Flirty cap sleeves tickled her arms and made her feel very much like a woman. Turning her head to one side, she surveyed the neckline. By no means low-cut, it accentuated a part of her body Ella never really thought about.
Feeling beautiful, yet almost conspicuous, she toyed with the idea of changing into something of her own. The phone next to her bed jangled, and—with one last look in the mirror—she moved to answer it.
“Ella, this is Torrie.”
In her mind Ella chanted, Torrie—with an ‘ie’. “Hey, Torrie, what are you up to?”
“A bunch of us are going to dinner. You know, to celebrate. Want to come?”
The girl’s voice bubbled with enthusiasm and Ella almost hated to have to tell her no. “I’m sorry, Torrie. I don’t think I can make it tonight.”
“Aw, come on, Ella. It’ll be fun. Some of the crew are going too.”
Ella’s mind went back to Torrie’s comments a few days back. Did the girl think Luke Abney would be one of the crew present at dinner tonight? She started to set the record straight, then thought better of it. Luke had said there was no problem with them seeing one another, but there was no reason to hang it out there for anyone to inspect. She’d rather keep it between she and Luke for now. Torrie would just have to enjoy the evening with someone other than Luke.
“Have fun, and tell me all about it tomorrow. Okay?”
“Sure, okay.” Torrie sounded resigned. “Talk to you then.”
Ten minutes later Ella had brushed her teeth and released her hair from the scrunchie that had contained it during her bath. Running her fingers through the curls, she debated piling the whole mess back on top of her head. But remembering Luke’s comment and the way he’d played with that one curl was enough to convince her to leave it down. Slipping into a pair of black strappy heels, Ella couldn’t remember the last time she’d dressed up.
The phone jangled again.
“Hi.” Luke’s voice sounded sweet in her ear. “It’s me. You ready?”
“I am.” Ella grinned. “I’ll be right down.”
“I can’t wait.”
He was waiting for her though, just as she stepped off the elevator. Dressed in sharp black slacks and a tan ribbed sweater, Luke Abney looked gorgeous. His blond curls had received a fresh hair cut and now the close-cropped do was just what Ella remembered from their first meeting back home at Max’s diner.
“You look wonderful,” he whispered as he took her hand and gently kissed her cheek. The glint in his eyes told her he meant it.
She had a difficult time finding her voice, but he didn’t seem to notice. Placing one hand on the small of her back, Luke guided her outside and to the passenger side of a navy blue Expedition. He held her purse while she carefully climbed inside. As he shut the door, Ella felt his gaze linger on her. It sent shivers of anticipation pummeling through her veins.
The drive to the restaurant wasn’t a long one and it seemed to pass all too quickly. Not once did they lack for anything to say. Ella loved it when he laughed at her stories of Chloe. And she laughed along with him as she shared the details of tonight’s elimination ceremony.
“See? I told you it wasn’t your time to go home, didn’t I?”
“You did, I have to admit.” Ella nodded in the dimness of the SUV. “You were right.”
“You think maybe it was my prayer that worked?”
Ella swallowed hard. Here it was, the prayer thing again. She turned to look at him, not sure what to say. His faith was obviously important to him. Ella didn’t begrudge him that. She just wasn’t sure she could share it. Would that create a problem for them, right here in the beginning, before they’d given this romance a real chance?
“Ella, would it be so bad if it were the prayer that did it?” It was spoken in a whisper, so quietly she barely heard it.
In the darkness Ella shook her head. “No,” she whispered back. It wouldn’t be a bad thing at all. She just simply didn’t think it was the prayer.
*****
This probably wasn’t the best time to ask.
Still, Luke gripped the steering wheel and stared at the road in front of him. “You know,” he spoke quickly, before he lost his nerve, “I’d love for you to join me for church.”
“Church?” The puzzled timbre in her voice echoed inside the dimness of the vehicle.
“Yeah.” Luke almost wished he’d waited for a more appropriate opportunity to bring up the subject. His heart told him Ella Paglia was a special woman, but his head shouted that he needed to make sure she shared his faith. “I go to a church…a small one…just outside the city. We have a praise band, a really dynamic pastor…I think you’d enjoy it.”
Ella didn’t answer right away. Luke turned to look at her and saw her open her mouth to speak then promptly shut it again. He worked his jaw and considered how to direct the conversation from here.
“You always surprise me, you know that, Luke?”
She laughed and Luke’s stomach dropped back into place. He blew out a silent sigh of relief and grinned.
“Is that a good thing, or bad?”
Ella shrugged. “Good, I think. Certainly not bad. You just…catch me off guard sometimes.”
“I guess I’m passionate about things that mean a lot to me.”
“And you’re passionate about your church?” She shifted in the seat, angling her body to face him.
Luke heard the incredulity in her voice. “I guess you didn’t expect to find that in a Hollywood guy, huh?”
Ella gazed at him with an intensity that rocked him, making it difficult to keep his mind, let alone his eyes, on the traffic around them.
“Sometimes I forget there are still people who put their faith before anything else.” She leaned her head against the back of the seat. “It doesn’t matter if it’s here in LA or back home in Milltown.” She shrugged again. “Living out a strong faith is a tough thing to do.”
Now it was Luke’s turn to feel puzzled. He couldn’t put a finger on how Ella felt about God or faith. She talked as though drawing from personal experience, and that filled him with hope. But the quiet resignation that threaded her words kept a cautious rein on that hope. Luke struggled with the desire to delve further, not wanting to push too hard, too fast.
“It can be tough.” He could agree readily enough with that statement. “But God is faithful.”
Luke glanced her way again, wanting to reach over and take her hand. He wanted her to understand how the mercy of God had reached to him, rescuing him at the very moment when he felt he’d lost it all.
“Faith is living out in the daylight according to the holy whispers you hear in the nighttime.”
Luke’s heart stumbled in his chest as he listened to Ella’s quiet words. He didn’t know if he wanted to jump for joy that she did understand, or weep for the pain that resonated from some deep, dark place inside her.
This time he did reach for her hand, closing his fingers around hers. She didn’t resist, and they rode this way in silence for a few miles.
It wasn’t until they pulled into the parking lot of Café Med that Ella spoke again. She unhooked her seat belt and turned to face him.
“I had faith once, Luke.” Her eyes were large and round in the dimness of the truck’s interior. “A faith as strong and sure as yours.”
“What happened, Ella?” Luke asked the question, but in his heart he already knew. He felt he’d lost everything when Tessa had walked out on him. But in truth, he’d been spared an even larger heartache. A life with Tessa would have never worked for either of them. He knew that now, and was thankful he’d escaped that kind of peril.
But Ella had lost a husband. Chloe had lost her father. Luke couldn’t begin to fathom the pain of that kind of loss.
“Life has a way of teaching you things you’d rather not learn, you know?”
The sadness in her voice confirmed his thoughts. Luke wished for a way to show her God was still with her, even if she didn’t feel Him like she used to. That much he knew for sure. The shimmer of tears in her eyes stopped him. What right did he have to tell her anything? He’d never lost at the level Ella had experienced.
“I’ll keep your invitation in mind, Luke.” She attempted a smile, reaching out to touch his arm. “Thank you for asking.”
Disappointment gnawed at Luke’s gut as he stepped from the truck and walked around to open Ella’s door. She’d tried to hide it, but he knew she’d recoiled from his question on prayer. Lord, please don’t tell me I’m falling for this woman only to learn she doesn’t believe in You anymore. That would be unacceptable.
Right now, Luke couldn’t imagine anything harder than walking away from Ella Paglia.
With her arm entwined with his, he felt like a million bucks as they entered Café Med. He’d heard some of the guys bragging about bringing some of their dates to this chic, quiet Italian restaurant. As they walked inside, the dim interior and twinkling overhead lights seemed to mimic the atmosphere in Luke’s heart.
“Reservation for Abney, party of two.”
“Right this way, sir.” The waitress smiled and summoned them to follow her.
It wasn’t until they were midway down a narrow hallway that Luke spotted them. His heart sank to his knees as he recognized Ernie and a couple of guys from work. To make matters worse they shared a table with Torrie Tyler and a gal Luke couldn’t place.
He ducked his head and tightened his hold on Ella’s elbow, hoping she hadn’t seen the group. With any luck at all their table would be far away in another room and he and Ella would share the meal uninterrupted.
It wasn’t meant to be. Not believing his poor luck, Luke watched the waitress lead them to a table in the very room with Ernie, Torrie, and their party. Ella must have noticed them then too because he felt her body stiffen next to his.
“Abney!” Ernie’s voice boomed across the small space. “What are you doing here, man?”
Luke grinned and saluted. Maybe the waitress could show them to another table…
“You two come join us at our table.” Ernie pointed to two empty chairs. “There’s plenty of room.”
Luke glanced at Ella. Even if they begged off now it would be awkward. But he’d leave it up to her. When she only shrugged and offered a half-smile, Luke swallowed his disappointment and led her to the empty chair beside Torrie. Easing into the one next to her, he reached for Ella’s hand under the table.
“So, Ella.” Torrie sounded half-miffed. “I thought you weren’t going out tonight.” She leveled a glare that seared Ella.
Ella fidgeted in her chair, and eased her hand away from his. “No.” She shook her head. “I said I couldn’t go out with…you.” She smiled at the girl. “But what do you know? Here we are, after all!”
“Imagine that.”
Torrie’s tone was dry and loud. Luke glanced at the girl’s glass to see what she was drinking. Some type of cocktail. She sounded as though she’d had one drink too many.
“Anyway, let me make the introductions.” Ernie jumped in, obviously trying to cover up for Torrie’s rudeness. “Luke, have you met my girlfriend? Leann, this is Luke Abney, a buddy from work and—his date, I presume—Ella.”
Luke stood and reached for Leann’s hand, then watched Ella do the same. “Nice to meet you.”
“Yeah,” Torrie’s voiced was garbled. “Ella is in the competition too. Now I see why she’s doing so well!” Her voice boomed as she laughed raucously. “She’s earning extra points!”
Luke glanced at the girl. The veneer that had appeared so sweet and innocent a mere week ago, now seemed to ooze venom as she glared at Ella. He squeezed Ella’s shoulder, trying to impart silent reassurance.
“Ella.” Torrie refused to fade into quietness. Instead, her voice rose above the din of conversation from the surrounding tables of Café Med patrons. “What about your husband? I thought you were still so in love with Stephen.”
Anger boiled in Luke as he saw Ella’s back stiffen. Instinct told him to reach out and take her hand. But his gut instructed him to remove Ella from the situation entirely.
Torrie turned her glazed eyes his direction as he stood. “I guess you’re…uh…mending her broken heart, huh, Luke?”
He felt the color rise in his cheeks. His chair scraped the tiled floor as he pushed it out of the way. Reaching for Ella’s hand, he pulled her to her feet, taking in the ashen gray complexion that had replaced the usual olive glow of her skin.
“I think we’ll sit alone, after all, guys.” He steered Ella around the table, careful to keep a steady hand on her elbow. She didn’t look well at all.
Torrie twisted in her seat, her cool blue eyes boring into Ella. “Guess you’re officially over your husband, huh, Ella?”
Ella flinched as though the girl had slapped her. Luke’s gut tightened at the look on her face. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this much fury. Who knew an otherwise attractive lady could spew such ugly words. And, for what? To embarrass Ella? To bring up deliberate, hurtful reminders of a past that she’d so tragically lost? Luke didn’t understand it. Not one bit. But the one thing he knew was that he needed to get Ella away from this table—and fast. He grasped her elbow and moved forward again.
Ernie jumped up too and put an arm around his shoulders. “I’m sorry about that, man. Torrie’s been drinking pretty heavy since we got here. Don’t pay any attention to what she said.” He jerked a thumb toward the group. “She probably won’t even remember any of this tomorrow.”
Ernie winked at Ella. “She may not even be up to the next challenge, the way she looks right now.”
Ella’s silence was enough to propel Luke forward. He shook hands with Ernie and then led Ella back to the front of the restaurant. He scanned the lobby for the maitre de.
“I’ll have them give us a different table.” Luke bent and whispered in Ella’s ear.
“Luke,” she pulled on his sleeve. “Can…can you just take me back to the hotel?”
*****
Luke’s confusion was obvious to Ella.
She couldn’t blame him, not really. But neither could she explain it all to him. The guilt, the shame, the harsh reality—it was all too much to bear.
To try and explain it would be impossible.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Luke’s eyes misted with intensity as he stood at the door of her hotel room. “Can I bring you a cup of coffee? Do you want to talk?”
“No.” Ella shook her head, wishing with all her heart that she could escape inside her room, and not have to glimpse the care etched so deeply in Luke Abney’s eyes. If only there were a rewind button on the evening…She could have politely yet firmly turned down Luke’s dinner invitation and spared them both the brief glimmer of hope for a relationship. “Thanks, but no. I…I think I’ll just go to bed now.”
“Hey, you’re not going to let Torrie get to you, are you?” Luke leaned against the door frame.
Although he did not touch her, Ella’s arm tingled at his nearness. His glance, his care, his very presence—all hinted at an intimacy that both thrilled and scared Ella.
He deserved more, Ella knew that. Luke had been nothing short of kind and considerate to her, regardless of what Torrie Tyler might be spouting to others. Nothing inappropriate had transpired between them. There was no reason to feel guilty.
What about Stephen? Torrie’s drunken words traipsed through Ella’s mind like little wind-up toy soldiers, intent on one thing alone. To seek and uncover the shame she felt about allowing her heart to move on.
Ella swallowed against the sobs clawing at the back of her throat. If she stood here another minute, staring into Luke’s caring eyes, she would surely dissolve into a puddle. Right here in the hallway of the Los Angeles Radisson Hotel. That thought alone propelled her forward.
“Thank you for taking me out.” The words sounded lame, but Ella could think of nothing more.
Luke’s wry grin seemed to echo her thoughts. “Well, it was the cheapest night I’ve had in a while.”
The stab at humor seemed to hang in the air between them. Ella blinked, words again failing her.
“I’m sorry our night out had to end on such a sour note.” Luke shrugged. “It certainly wasn’t the evening I’d envisioned for us.”
“I know.” Ella couldn’t stare into his eyes another second. She directed her gaze to the multi-patterned carpet, tracing a gold-colored rectangle with the toe of her sandal. “It wasn’t what either of us envisioned.”
“I hope you’ll give me another chance.”
Luke’s voice, low and husky, tickled her senses. When her heart sped up, it only intensified the guilt. Almost as though her heart were betraying her every bit as much as she was betraying Stephen. How could she have these feelings for a man she’d known such a short time? Even more disturbing, how could she feel so strongly for two men at once? It didn’t make sense.
It only made her feel sick.
“We’ll see.” Ella forced her gaze back to Luke’s face. She tried to ignore the yet unasked questions in his eyes. Attempted to ignore the way he reached out to stroke her forearm. Steeled herself against the quick rush of his breath on her face as he stepped close.
“Ella.” Luke whispered, his voice caressing her bruised emotions. “I care about you.” He touched his chest as though to emphasize his point, then fell silent.
Ella stood speechless. What could she possibly say? I care about you too, Luke. But caring for you means my heart is committing the ultimate betrayal of Stephen. Ella shrank against the wall.
“I won’t rush you.”
She only nodded, not trusting her voice anymore than she trusted her heart.
Ella sensed, more than saw, Luke lean forward. His lips, soft as silk, brushed a kiss against her forehead. The electricity was immediate, and it jarred every sense in Ella’s body. Afraid to move, she remained motionless as he squeezed her fingers.
“Take care, Ella. Sleep well.”
It wasn’t until Luke had turned the corner that Ella allowed herself to look up. The empty hallway did nothing to reassure her. Instead it merely mirrored the emptiness in her heart, reminding her of all she’d lost.
Rebuking her for all she wanted.
Free Fiction Fridays, Staci Wilder books, writing
September 16, 2010 @ 6:21 am | Filed under: Motherhood,She said,Uniquely Me
A few years ago I started making random confessions to the world. Blogging is like that. It brings out all sorts of personal things you would normally only tell a best friend. Suddenly you are perfectly comfortable sharing things like the fact that you just went to Wal-Mart and – midway down the bread aisle – couldn’t remember if you’d changed out of your pajama bottoms before leaving home. Disclaimer: I did, however, change first. I was fully clothed for the bread run. Just not necessarily in my right mind.
At the time you are typing the aforementioned sensitive information into your laptop (thinking of it as a sort of therapeutic exercise) it seems like you are just writing for yourself. No harm done. But then you look at the stats from the day and realize hundreds of people you don’t know and everyone googling “funny Wal-Mart stories” forevermore now know the embarrassing truth about your declining state of mind and the fact that there are just those days that you don’t have it all together. They know you are (gasp), REAL.
I have also revealed over the past few years that I suffer from a disease.
“Hi. My name is Staci and I am recovering from perfection-itis.”
Okay, so the disease is fake, but the symptoms were very real. Suffering from Perfection-itis years ago meant I based my contentment in life by how nearly perfect I could bring every portion of my life. How perfect my home was. How perfect my daily word was. How well-behaved my children were. How well I could orchestrate all these things at once. And let me tell you – it was, like, um…never!
Over and over my expectations were dashed on the rocky cliffs of attempts and failure. Exhaustion and dismay kept me bound, held prisoner by the unseen hand of the impossible.
Cooking and writing and nesting are things I love. There is nothing wrong with being passionate about how God has gifted us. Creativity is a blessing and I am grateful for it every day. But when the creativity became more of a burden and less of a joy, it was time to examine my priorities. It took a while (and some days I still have to “go to a meeting”) but I finally learned the important lesson that a happy mama makes a pretty perfect home. And time spent on the knees is what helps Mama get her happy on. And with a good dose of happy, the well-behaved children and the word count and the picked-up house all seem to find their respective spots on the list of priorities.
It’s a constantly changing list and – for each season of life – the changes seem to only grow. My system isn’t perfect, nor will it ever be. But I’m learning to to wholeheartedly embrace this one amazingly beautiful and imperfect life that I have been blessed with.
And that’s my random confession for the day.
contentment, laughter, life lessons, living simply
September 15, 2010 @ 11:11 am | Filed under: The Solid Rock,Uniquely Me
“A dream is your creative vision for your life in the future. You must break out of your current comfort zone and become comfortable with the unfamiliar and the unknown.” – Denis Waitley
Contentment. Fear. Two emotions that seem to have no relation to one another and yet they have shimmied up to one another inside of me and have both become quite still. No pushing or shoving for a place of dominance. No arguments over which has the right of ownership inside my heart. Instead, they sit with their arms around one another as if to let me know that this is natural. It’s not something to fear. It’s something that will teach you.
I have never been more content nor more afraid of where God is guiding my life than I am right now.
I’m standing at the edge of the shore, watching the waves push new opportunities and experiences closer toward me as I dig my toes into the cool, course sand. There are some waves that I’m eager to reach for, to dive into and see what happens when I come up on the other side. These are moments when I glimpse a distant horizon – wonderous and magnificent. Anticipation pulses through me, and – in these moments – I reach for it, anxious to experience the beauty of what He has waiting for me.
These waves are easy.
Then there are the waves that I see coming from some distance away. They are giant and as they creep ever closer, it’s obvious that they will soon tower over me, swallowing me first in their shadow and then in their depth. I try to squelch the thumping of raw nerves in my veins and still the thudding of my breaking heart. These are the waves that promise the ride of a lifetime, but also carry with them the fear of the unknown. To jump into these depths means that I will follow God’s call for me and for my family, letting go of what has been my buoy and my lifeline for so long in order to go to where He is.
These waves are tougher.
I am afraid. I am nervous. I am feeling unsettled. My heart races and I have moments when I entertain the thought of crawling back to shore to complete and utter safety. To the known, the comfortable. And yet I cannot ignore the niggling in the depths of my being – the still, small voice that reminds me that You are ready for this. The past years have prepared my heart for this very moment in time. For this swim. For this wild, God-given adventure that will take me to ports of call I’ve not even thought to imagine.
I know what I will ultimately do. It’s what I always do. Because – for me – there has never been, and never will be, another choice except to follow. I will dive head first into the waves God puts before me, trusting that His great love for me will stand as lifeguard over my heart and life as I do my best to let His current take over and move me where He desires me to be.
I am content. I am still afraid. Two emotions that seem to have no connection reside like easy companions in my soul. I’m okay with them both. I uncurl my toes from the sand and take a few timid steps into the water. God’s call on my life swirls gently around my ankles as I move forward, encouraging me to step out in faith. He is waiting, arms outstretched to help me through the difficult moments. He tells me to come in, the water is fine.
I trust that.
