Archive for the 'Motherhood' Category
August 25, 2010 @ 10:46 am | Filed under: Family,Motherhood,Soul Food
“Making the decision to have a child-it’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” -Elizabeth Stone
There was a time when I thought this road called Motherhood would one day become breezy.
One day when ear infections and middle-of-the-night stomach flus were a thing of the past.
One day when homework no longer required my assistance and lunches no longer needed packing.
One day when they’d shop for their own clothes and purchase the extras with – could it be – their own money.
Now I know differently.
There are no breezy sections on this Motherhood Road.
Whether our children are two, twenty-two, or forty-two, we feel their pain in a way that is so exquisite that there is yet to be a word created that would aptly describe it. It takes us to the very brink of all we think we can feel or think or experience…and then the very next day it surprises us all over again in completely new ways.
It has been said that pain is the best teacher in the world. And while a part of me really wants to balk at this, particularly in the case of motherhood, I find that I still agree with it.
The pain of motherhood – of loving this extension of yourself so much that your heart bleeds when they hurt – teaches us about what is good and right and truly important in this world. More and more these days, I am reminded of what is no longer fundamentally important to me. Instead I cling to what I know.
And I know that my purpose is to love and to nurture and to find joy in the simple things.
I came across this blog that I wrote quite a while back. Instantly, it took me back to a day when The Teacher gave a lesson that I didn’t necessarily want to learn.
Forty-eight hours ago, I sat in a doctor’s waiting room, nervously and mindlessly flipping through the worn and smudged pages of one magazine after another. For two solid hours I sat in that black vinyl chair, all the while my heart was somewhere in the depths of that doctor’s office, in whatever room Nate was in.
As a half-hour turned to one, then an hour and a half came and went, I gave up all pretenses of reading or people-gazing or anything else that one tends to do in those type of settings. I gathered my purse and moved to the edge of my seat, and was truly only a nano-second away from barging behind The Door and finding my son all on my own.
And then these words begin to spill through my mind in the sweetest possible way:
“Peace, peace. Wonderful peace.”
“Coming down, from the Father above.”
Just like that my twirling thoughts stilled and my pulse returned to normal. Even though I sat here, in the one place, facing the one thing that I feared most during my kids’ growing up years, I felt the peace of God. I wish that I could control heredity, that I could somehow shelter both boys from the pains and trials of life, whether it be physical, mental, spiritual, or emotional. And yet – just as I could only sit with them held firmly in my lap during those awful visits for shots, for ear infections, for chicken pox – now I could only sit in a lonely chair in the waiting room, knowing that my firstborn was on his own this time. Besides my presence and my prayers, I was helpless.
“Peace, peace. Wonderful peace.”
“Coming down, from the Father above.”
The lesson that day – and the one that I’ve had to repeat several times since – has been one on acceptance. Accepting what is and letting go of preconceived expectations and even plans and goals I may have had for my children. What I’m learning is that in letting go I am receiving something so rich and so full that my mother’s heart almost can’t contain it all.
I am receiving the fullness of joy that comes with true peace of mind.
And that’s pretty breezy, let me tell ya!
Family, life lessons, Motherhood
July 8, 2010 @ 6:18 am | Filed under: Family,Motherhood,Pure Sunshine
“Did I show you what I found?”
I paused what I was doing and looked up at my dad’s words. I shook my head. “No. I don’t guess so…”
To be honest, though, it was hard to remember just what we’d said, done, or found in the last two or three days. The hours had begun to run together and everything that had transpired over the past 24 seemed like one big blur.
The last few days have been such a snowballing of emotions and contemplations, and yet I know that as a family we’ll soon find a way to settle into a contented place of so-be-it. Life flows on, and I know it’s important to experience every tide, every wave, every calm with purpose.
My dad returned to the room and held out a small 3×5 black & white photo. I took it from him, glanced at it, and then gasped. “Oh my word! Do you know who this looks like?”
The boy in the photo – with the laughing eyes and the tiny, yet unmistakable smirk – was none other than the 21 year old version of my grandfather. But in that one small photo I saw something for the first time…something I’d not seen before…
It was a little bit of delight in an otherwise somber day.
The day had already been a tremendously long one. It had started around 3:30 AM as family members began receiving the phone call that “Dad” had passed away peacefully in his sleep. And although we’d known to expect it – and probably sooner rather than later – the finality of death is always piercing to the soul.
And that is what we were feeling now: the piercing, that ache deep within that longs only to pull him back – if for only one brief moment to…
To do what? To say what?
The truth is that we’d been careful to do it all, to say all that needed to be said, and to give all the hugs we could possibly squeeze in. To bring him back – even for the briefest second would be pure selfishness, and I don’t want to be guilty of that.
So as I sat on the sofa yesterday, holding that tiny 3×5 photo of my grandfather, I could not for the life of me keep the smile from creasing my face. It was like a gift, something I had never seen before…
For I was looking into a face with the same features as my own 21 year old son Jordan, and the realization made my throat tighten with emotion.
It was in that brief instant that I was reminded yet again that one of the great wonders of family is that bit and pieces of the ones we love are transferred on to the future generations for us to continue to love and cherish and enjoy.
They are little bits of delight to provide balm for a grieving heart.
Even though one generation of our family is now gone from this earth, they will never be far away in our thoughts and forever close in our hearts.
And in those moments when we miss them most, we can look back on moments like this one, or remember with laughter this day, and – most especially – recall the day we set out to make precious memories.
It won’t make the pain of missing them instantly go away.
But it will provide little bits of delight while we learn how to live in a world without them.
May 23, 2010 @ 8:31 am | Filed under: Family,Jorge,Motherhood,Pure Sunshine
Where in the world did the time go?
It seems mere moments ago that he was placed in my arms for the very first time, all swaddled, a deeply placid expression etched on his tiny baby face.
And then I made a mistake and blinked…
Was it not just a few days ago that I held this kid’s hand and walked him into his first day of Kindergarten?
Trying to maintain your hold on your child’s every move and moment is like trying to hold water in your hands…it just trickles through your fingers no matter how hard you try to keep it contained.
Now he’s finishing his junior year of college, working a full-time job, and planning a career.
I look at him these days and I see a man that I love to pieces. He is strong, smart, and deeply compassionate.
He calls or texts virtually every day, always just to ask how I am doing. He is confidante to, and protector of, his big brother Nate. He is a planner like his Uncle Kevin. He is a playful cousin and an interested uncle.
He enjoys coffee and computers, tubing the river with Elizabeth, long talks with Pops, movies with Nate, fun with friends, doing well in school, and knowing he has a solid future in front of him.
He’s my baby boy. All grown up.
May 10, 2010 @ 6:34 am | Filed under: Family,Motherhood,Pure Sunshine
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| This free digital collage created with Smilebox |
I realized something last night as I crawled between the sheets and settled down for the night.
I had spent the last couple of hours in the kitchen, planning, cooking, anticipating our Mother’s Day lunch as a family. Robyn’s dad and sister are in town, my mother-in-law is with us, and the day ahead promises to be one full of laughter and great family moments.
It’s been on my mind for the last few weeks that this would be the first Mother’s Day for my mom to ever spend without her mother. I know there is absolutely nothing and no one that can replace Mama; nor would we dare to try. Mama had a personality that was larger than life and this was one day where we would especially miss her presence.
But as I worked in the kitchen last night I was running a mental list of every one that would be at my parents’ the next day for lunch. It wasn’t until later, when I was in bed, that it hit me.
Out of the twelve people who would gather around the table, the only ones still blessed to have their mom are me, Mike, our boys, and my brother. My heart ached for everyone else…for my sister-in-law and her sister, who lost their mom way too young. For my mom, facing the first Mother’s Day as the true matriarch of our family.
The day was a blessed one, full and loud and happy. Little girl giggles, warm hugs, new baby cuddles, animated conversation, and late afternoon mugs of coffee…
And even though we were missing the heartbeats of some very loved mothers, one thing was was felt by all.
The mothering heart.
It is the heart that we share as a family.
And it will always go on.
three generations
April 15, 2009 @ 1:22 pm | Filed under: Motherhood,Pure Sunshine
Have you ever felt alone as a mom? Lost in your chosen field of mothering?
There is an organization that was created to encourage, educate and equip women in the profession of motherhood. Hearts at Home helps thousands of moms love their lives through their many resources including conferences, website, and books.
Recently I partnered up with this organization as a blogger. Over time I hope to share with you the many resources this ministry has to offer (old ones and new). To learn more about the Hearts at Home Blogging team go here.
In the meantime I would like to encourage you to explore their website and blog for an immediate dose of mothering encouragement.
February 23, 2009 @ 8:56 am | Filed under: Motherhood,The Solid Rock
A few days ago I walked into the house at the end of a long day and sank onto the couch, kicked off my boots, and launched into filling Mike in on all the details. He’s good at that; at knowing when I need to talk something through and – on this particular day – I think he realized long before I did that I was about to, indeed, talk something through. He pulled off his reading glasses like he does when he’s preparing to give his full attention to something and he listened.
It had been a full day, with classes, labs, a meeting, and then a late lunch with one of our sons. The many conversations – rich with nuggets of information that were still waiting for me to patiently mine through – played through my mind and skipped across my heart as I tried to convey it all to my husband.
After I had done the best that I could, he leaned over and simply looked me straight in the eye. “This is the answer to all those prayers.”
His words stopped me and I grew still.
In one single sentence he had managed to capsulize what my heart had been trying to wrap its arms around for hours. Sometimes I think it’s the prayers we pray the most; the ones we pray for days and weeks and even months that eventually become such a part of the fabric of our day. Much like brushing our teeth or getting the coffee ready to brew for the following morning. They simply become a part of us, so when they begin to be answered we don’t always recognize them.
My husband’s words took me back over the past months, to the countless times I’ve gone to my knees – the tears I’ve wept, the promises I’ve clung to, the prayers that made their way from the farthest reachest of my soul at some of the darkest hours of the night…
In those times I imagined what this answered prayer would look like. I pictured it in my heart’s mind and I memorized it. I knew its lines, its depth, its weight. I knew its color, its shape, the way it would look, sound, taste, feel and behave.
But you see, that’s the great thing about my God. He is the ultimate in delivering surprises. When He answers prayers, He takes great delight in making sure that each package is unique; He wants it to be a one-of-a-kind, original in every conceivable way. I forget that sometimes; either that, or my mind is just not able to comprehend the magnitutude of what it is that He is all about.
This morning I do know He is all about loving His children. As much as I love my own children, He loves His all the more.
From that first moment a few days ago, when He began to answer this long-held prayer, it has been an almost non-stop process since. Each day, more and more of His plan has unfolded and I am in awe of Him. I would never have imagined this answer. It looks nothing like I imagined. Feels nothing like I imagined. Sounds like nothing that I had imagined.
That makes it all about Him, and not at all about me.
And that makes it absolutely perfect.
answered prayers, faith, Family
July 9, 2008 @ 11:57 am | Filed under: Jorge,Motherhood
Jorge came home from Victoria a few days ago with the biggest box of all kinds of wonderfully delicious cookies. All especially packaged by Elizabeth.
Nestled among the chocolate-chip cookies, the lemon cookies, the oatmeal cookies – was this beautifully decorated strawberry one. With an equally beautiful note attached to it.
I had to stare at the card for a few seconds before I realized that the “Mrs. Wilder” on the front of the card was…ME!
Thank you, Elizabeth, for the beautiful words, the beautiful gift, and for always being so thoughtful!
June 22, 2008 @ 12:55 pm | Filed under: 5 Minutes for Mom,Motherhood,Uniquely Me
I posted over at Faith Lifts today…
devotions, Motherhood, parenting
June 20, 2008 @ 10:08 am | Filed under: 5 Minutes for Mom,Motherhood,The Writing Life
I am very excited and honored to be working with the wonderful women and moms at 5 Minutes for Mom. It’s phenomenal to have a place where we women can come together in our faith and in our calling as moms – both in the home and in the workplace – and know that we have a sisterhood that ‘has our back.’
I’m posting today over at The Sampler, which is a weekly column of 5 Minutes for Mom that brings you exclusive samplings from the some of the best mom blogs. For weekly encouragement, please check them out regularly. I promise you’ll be blessed!
5 Minutes for Mom, Add new tag, encouragement, mom blogs
June 8, 2008 @ 6:48 am | Filed under: Motherhood,Soul Food,The Writing Life
Every once in a while a door of opportunity will swing open wide, and we know for certain that it is God who is bidding us to walk through it.
This is what happened to me when Faith Lifts invited me to be one of their devotional contributors a couple of weeks ago. The people that I’ve met so far – Shera and the other writers – are nothing short of warm and welcoming. Already I feel at home, and very excited about this very special place!
As a writer, this is an opportunity to share bits and pieces of what God lays on my heart. As a mom, this is a place to find needed encouragement and strength. But – maybe most importantly – as a woman, Faith Lifts is a place where godly women are endeavoring to hear His voice and allowing Him to direct their lives and the lives of their families.
My first devotion with Faith Lifts is up today. If you find time to check it out, please linger a bit longer and read the words of wisdom and encouragement that other Faith Lifts writers have on their hearts.
I promise you’ll leave uplifted!
