Archive for May, 2010
May 29, 2010 @ 8:26 am | Filed under: Family,Pure Sunshine,Soul Food
Sometimes the things that are left unsaid are every bit as poignant as the things we voice.
It seems as though each time we gather together these days there are silent reminders that we are all participating in something larger, grander, and more heroic than mere words can capture.
Summer is beginning to unravel with all its color and splendor.
We’re making memories – my family and I – breathing in each and every golden moment as it filters through the air around us, and then cradling it close in our hearts. I love these people.
We’ll have these slivers of moments in the difficult months that are sure to come.
Moments when the pain of loss robs us of a good night’s sleep. Moments when there is one less place set at the family dinners. Moments when the landscape of our family is physically altered.
Because in our hearts we’ll always have today.
And today was good.
It was really, really good.
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| This photo album generated with Smilebox |
May 28, 2010 @ 7:30 am | Filed under: Family,Pure Sunshine
Today is my mom’s birthday.
For the first time in 66 years, it was my grandfather who planned her special day.
I get choked up every time I think about it. I have a very distinct feeling it’s going to be one of those memories that will always cause my chest to tighten and the backs of my eyelids to sting.
“I’m going to take you out to lunch,” he called her up the day before to announce. “We’re going to Furr’s. And I’m inviting Faye Nell and Sue to go with us.”
He’s been under hospice care for over a month now and it’s been a time of adjustment for all of us as we’ve all faced in our own way and in our own time that COPD would soon rob us of all the many, many moments we’d come to take for granted over the years.
Ever the strong, capable, unflappable type, the loss of Mama perhaps dealt the cruelest blow to Dad. We’ve seen the love he shared with her evidenced in such unexpected ways since her death. It’s hard to believe it’s been just over six months now; the fact that Dad’s own health has deteriorated so vastly and so quickly is just as shocking.
And yet there are these moments lately when he says or does or acts in such a way that makes that sliver of time almost stand still. It’s as though there is a poignancy in the air and it is so delicate – so precious – that to breathe too hard or even blink would be to miss it.
And oh, we don’t want to miss a moment right now.
The party of four – the birthday girl, her dad, and their two guests – kept the lunch date. Despite the oxygen that is continuously strapped to him, his lack of energy, and an ever-increasing tiredness that is taking over his body, he went the extra mile on this birthday.
He thought he was being quite the sneak, even though Mom knew what he was up to all along. So when the employees of Furr’s arrived at their table and began to sing “Happy Birthday” she acted surprised. I feel quite certain that singing birthday songs tableside is not standard operating procedure for the folks at Furr’s…but again – it’s almost like there is something irresistible about these moments surrounding Dad right now.
They all mean something.
They mean everything.
My mom has had some great birthdays in the past and I’m sure there are some amazing ones in her future.
But there is no doubt in my mind that it is this year’s birthday she’ll remember the most.
birthday, dads and daughters, elder care
May 23, 2010 @ 8:31 am | Filed under: Family,Jorge,Motherhood,Pure Sunshine
Where in the world did the time go?
It seems mere moments ago that he was placed in my arms for the very first time, all swaddled, a deeply placid expression etched on his tiny baby face.
And then I made a mistake and blinked…
Was it not just a few days ago that I held this kid’s hand and walked him into his first day of Kindergarten?
Trying to maintain your hold on your child’s every move and moment is like trying to hold water in your hands…it just trickles through your fingers no matter how hard you try to keep it contained.
Now he’s finishing his junior year of college, working a full-time job, and planning a career.
I look at him these days and I see a man that I love to pieces. He is strong, smart, and deeply compassionate.
He calls or texts virtually every day, always just to ask how I am doing. He is confidante to, and protector of, his big brother Nate. He is a planner like his Uncle Kevin. He is a playful cousin and an interested uncle.
He enjoys coffee and computers, tubing the river with Elizabeth, long talks with Pops, movies with Nate, fun with friends, doing well in school, and knowing he has a solid future in front of him.
He’s my baby boy. All grown up.
May 10, 2010 @ 6:34 am | Filed under: Family,Motherhood,Pure Sunshine
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| This free digital collage created with Smilebox |
I realized something last night as I crawled between the sheets and settled down for the night.
I had spent the last couple of hours in the kitchen, planning, cooking, anticipating our Mother’s Day lunch as a family. Robyn’s dad and sister are in town, my mother-in-law is with us, and the day ahead promises to be one full of laughter and great family moments.
It’s been on my mind for the last few weeks that this would be the first Mother’s Day for my mom to ever spend without her mother. I know there is absolutely nothing and no one that can replace Mama; nor would we dare to try. Mama had a personality that was larger than life and this was one day where we would especially miss her presence.
But as I worked in the kitchen last night I was running a mental list of every one that would be at my parents’ the next day for lunch. It wasn’t until later, when I was in bed, that it hit me.
Out of the twelve people who would gather around the table, the only ones still blessed to have their mom are me, Mike, our boys, and my brother. My heart ached for everyone else…for my sister-in-law and her sister, who lost their mom way too young. For my mom, facing the first Mother’s Day as the true matriarch of our family.
The day was a blessed one, full and loud and happy. Little girl giggles, warm hugs, new baby cuddles, animated conversation, and late afternoon mugs of coffee…
And even though we were missing the heartbeats of some very loved mothers, one thing was was felt by all.
The mothering heart.
It is the heart that we share as a family.
And it will always go on.
three generations
May 4, 2010 @ 8:27 am | Filed under: Family,Pure Sunshine
James Kael Rogers (and his PROUD aunt)
The drive from Commerce to Richardson seemed to take forever yesterday.
Maybe part of that was due to the fact that I knew all my family was already there, and my intense desire to be there too made each mile feel more like ten.
We’d been waiting a long time for this day. Nine months, to be exact, and finally the day had arrived. I drove up to the hospital with just twenty minutes to spare before the scheduled birth. For once, I breathed a silent thank you for the delay in the hospital schedule.
Because, as much as I was ready to meet our new little guy, at that moment all I really wanted to do was see his momma first. I think once you become somebody’s parent you are ushered into a realm of understanding that just didn’t really exist for you beforehand. Although two decades have passed since my own kids’ births, the memory of each and every precious moment of both of those days is forever etched into my heart and mind. I remember the faces of the ones who stood over me, the tenderness in their smiles, and the sparkle of anticipation in their eyes.
It was important that I be that to Robyn yesterday.
We clustered in her hospital room – talking, joking, planning…basically doing what families do to pass the time until it’s time. And then it really was time, and she and my brother received our last minute hugs and well wishes and we left them to go out to the waiting room and do just that…wait.
And then we all received a text from Kevin. James Kael Rogers had arrived safe and sound – Mom and son were doing well. And then there was a little more waiting…until…
May 1, 2010 @ 6:39 pm | Filed under: Family,Food and Drink
I’ve been a bad, bad blogger lately.
My sister-in-law blames it on Facebook.
She may be right. Laugh all you want, but blogging is a responsibility. Okay, you can stop laughing now! What is probably closer to the truth is that I just simply take it too seriously.
I want to be able to slap some words down – any words – that swim across my heart and need a warm, sandy beach to wash up on. I want it to be easy and simple.
Clean, pure, and unedited glimpses of this life I am so in love with.
If for no other reason, I am in need of a place to post a picture like this one:
This was made especially for me – although I shared with the entire family – by my sister-in-law Robyn.
While I fancy myself a fairly good home chef these days, thanks to Pioneer Woman and a husband who is game for lots of culinary experiments, it is Robyn who is graced with awesome kitchen skills in our family.
I’ve volunteered to be her food blogger should she ever decide to persue making us food full-time!
So I’m pretty sure I’m back to blogging…
Maybe, baby.
