Archive for April, 2008
April 29, 2008 @ 2:02 pm | Filed under: Pure Sunshine, Soul Food
I wish I could bottle days like yesterday and save them for weeks when it has rained one too many days, or when outside temperatures are simply too hot to handle. Yesterday was about as close to perfect as weather gets around here. And - since this part of Texas has only about 4.5 days like this one - I did my best to soak it all up and tried hard to not stay holed up in my office.
Normally, by this time each year, I’ve already planted flowers and have even managed to kill off a few of the weaker, unhealthier ones. I’m sure plants in all the metroplex nurseries are breathing a huge sigh of relief, thinking that I must have forgotten planting season this year and that they are, surely, most safe.
But yesterday was the day. On Saturday I had turned the beds, tilled the soil, and added fresh mulch. Days like yesterday make me forget about my penchant for horticulture homicides. I walked the aisles of the nursery and carefully picked out the heartiest varieties that I could find, in the brightest and cheeriest colors that I could find.
Back home, with my hands and knees in the dirt, I found myself feeling such peace and a sense of well-being. I am somewhat of an eternal optimist, I guess. The flower bed in front of me was not that much unlike the flower bed of my life. Sometimes the things and people that I nurture in my life don’t do so well. I do my best to water and to nourish and to encourage and to care for them. But sometimes maybe it’s my timing, or my lack of understanding of the real needs, or maybe it’s just the climate around us - but sometimes these buds within my care begin to wilt or turn brown or fade.
What has always amazed me about plants is their ability to bounce back when focused care is placed on them. Water them at the roots, remove the weeds whose own mission is to entangle and destroy, and nourish them with vitamins. And then the real miracle - proper exposure to the sun. The sun melds all of the care and the result is beauty.
It’s not always a quick work. Sometimes it takes days of dedication and devotion and consistent care. Sometimes the results are not quite what we expected; sometimes they even exceed our expectations. Beauty in nature - there is nothing quite like it.
I think about my kids and my friends and the many people that I love and care for. I do my best to provide what they need to flourish and do well, but sometimes I get busy and I miss things. Sometimes I think I’m doing a fairly good job of caring for them, only to realize that some missing nutrients are causing them to wilt before my very eyes.
These are the times when that focused care is most important, I guess. Real heart-to-heart conversations, time spent just hanging together, listening… And then the real miracle - proper exposure to The Son. He melds all of the care that we put into the people we love and the result is beauty.
It’s not always a quick work, and I’m having to remind myself of this quite often these days. Sometimes it takes a lot of dedication, and devotion, and care that is not always the easiest to give. My hope - my prayer - is that the results that will eventually be garnered will NOT be quite what I’m expecting.
I have faith that they will be even better than what my mind can imagine.
Beauty in the people we care about - there is NOTHING better.
April 26, 2008 @ 6:47 pm | Filed under: Friends, Summer at the ballpark
“Shall we get a babysitter?”
Denise and I were on the phone, finalizing our plans for the next night’s game. Mike and I had invited the three of them to be our guests.
“Uh…not.” I laughed. “If the girl (our nickname for ‘our girl’) doesn’t come, then the deal is OFF.”
She laughed too. “That’s what we figured.”
Now, obviously we would have still welcomed them even if they had felt the need for a night out without the baby but - Uncle Mike and Aunt Staci certainly loved seeing her reaction to her very first baseball game!
She also strolled away from the game with a brand new pink Roughrider’s cap and a matching tot-size pink bat! From start to finish, she was totally into people watching and acted as though she’d been to zillions of games!
(As you can tell, we need to convert her mommy to the Rangers/Roughriders part of the league!)
America's favorite pasttime, baseball, Roughriders
April 22, 2008 @ 6:31 pm | Filed under: Motherhood, Summer at the ballpark
Tonight it was Nate and I who headed to the ballpark around seven-ish for game #2 of what we’ve affectionately dubbed ‘the summer at the ballpark.’ Our family is quickly becoming some of the Roughriders’ top fans, I do believe!
Nate and I enjoyed the game, the hotdogs, and the unlimited supply of Diet Coke but - most of all - we enjoyed one another’s company. He just moved home from his college apartment last week so this night was somewhat of a treat for us both.
April 21, 2008 @ 12:49 pm | Filed under: It's a Girl Thing
We all learned a little more about ourselves when we read this, right?
I love my Coach bag. Really, I do. It will always be special to me, and for many different reasons. It was my first purse ’splurge.’ And - even though it took several months for me to finally bite the bullet, so to speak, and actually spend the money, I have to say that I have absolutely no regrets.
Since it was bought with money from my book royalties, this bag will always be somewhat special to me. If the day ever comes when I no longer carry it, you can rest assured that it will have a permanent, cushy home somewhere in the depths of my closet. It will be with me for life.
Having said all this, imagine my surprise a few weeks ago, when a friend of mine purchased The Bag’s cousin! How can I say this….I think I may have experienced a moment of bag envy! And then, of course, I immediately felt shame that I had even let myself give the cousin a second glance…
I love my bag. Really, I do.
But it has some really good-looking relatives too!
April 10, 2008 @ 10:44 pm | Filed under: Family
The oldest grandchild - Nate, 20 - and the youngest - Andi, 11 days.
April 9, 2008 @ 2:15 pm | Filed under: Soul Food, Uniquely Me
I’ve been thinking quite a lot about strength lately.
Strength comes in all shapes, forms, and sizes. Sometimes it is expected and then, sometimes, it simply catches you unaware.
I know that I am strong, even if certain days have me doubting it.
I am strong willed. I have strong faith. I am strong-minded, strong-tempered. I have strong passions. I love strongly.
Knowing that I am strong and yet still being painfully aware of some vulnerable spots has me thinking a lot today about the various kinds of strengths and what they mean.
I think of my grandmother. If ever there was a strong woman, it is Mama. Without a doubt. These past few months have been among the very first times that her children have seen her cry.
I’ve watched her these past six months or so and have seen the strong woman I know her to be now housed in such a frail, unstable condition. I’ve witnessed her reaching out to Dad (my grandfather), her partner of 65 years, and not being afraid to say that she wanted him close, that his hand felt so good enclosed over hers. I saw the looks that passed between them and, in that moment, so much became ultra clear to me.
While she has always been so strong - so in control - he has been her backbone, her rock, silently supporting her strong nature. These past few months - during these moments of uncertainty and fear - he has emerged openly as the hero that only she has known all these years. He has ridden in and been a true (though untraditional) knight, caring for her in the most gentle, caring way possible.
So even strong women need a safe place to land their hearts.
And then I’ve observed Auntie lately. On some days she is so uncharacteristically quiet and somber, as she has quietly tended to her sister’s bedside. My mind goes back to a few months ago when I sat across the table from her. We had just finished a meal and were merely sitting, chatting, much like any aunt and niece might do.
“I come from a family of strong women.” I looked at her and nodded for emphasis. “I only hope that I can be half as strong as you and Mama.”
I did not expect her response, and the look in her eyes and the weight of her words are forever carved into my mind.
“We’re not always as strong as we seem.” Her eyes sparkled with unshed tears and her lips trembled as she spoke the words. “Sometimes it’s the strong ones who hurt the most.”
I remember feeling my heart break as I looked at her and realized that I had never taken the time to look past that wall of strength. The very wall that had her taking care of others even as she walked through the darkest storm of her life. The strength she exuded had somehow excluded her from being human, from having the same hurts, troubles, and lapses that we all have.
So even strong women need to let down their walls every so often.
I’ve observed my mom these last months as she moved about Mama’s hospital room, rearranging her pillows and helping her sip Coke through a straw. I watched as she took lotion and carefully, lovingly, massaged Mama’s feet. The love was evident with each stroke of her hand and I had to look away, overcome with emotion for both of these women.
I know my mom better than most. I know that her tired eyes and sharp words are merely visible signs of a battle going on deep inside her. The battle to somehow balance the need to be the daughter and the need to be the caretaker. She is on the very cusp of one day in the not so distant future being the matriarch of our family. I watch as she ministers to her own mother, disregarding her own needs and her own health.
I don’t think she realizes it yet, but she’s walking in the footsteps of some very strong women. And - with every step she takes - she is becoming a woman of admirable strength. A woman that I’m very proud - very honored - to call my mom.
So even strong women struggle to find balance in their lives.
Finally, my mind goes to my mother-in-law, the precious mother of my Mike. I didn’t come to know this woman until her twilight years but it was immediately apparent to me that her gentle compassionate spirit and her graciousness are her own personal strengths.
I sat in her tiny living room not long ago, sharing a pot of coffee and perusing a basket of pictures, listening as she talked about her sisters and their recent out-of-state trip together. I glanced around her living quarters, marveling at how concisely a lifetime worth of memories was crammed into this tiny space.
Pictures of the father-in-law I was never fortunate enough to meet, momentos of the one, once-in-a-lifetime cruise they took together, a photo of her eldest son, whose life ended at the young age of only nineteen. A pain no mother should ever have to endure. And yet - though life has been anything but gentle to her at times, she has risen above her circumstances and is truly one of the happiest, most genuine people I know.
So strong women take the blows from this life and then rise above them.
Today I sit here with a full heart, knowing only these things for sure:
Strong women need a safe place to land their hearts.
Strong women need to let their walls down every once in a while.
Strong women still struggle to find the balance in their lives.
Strong women rise above the winds of this life.
I still don’t have the balance totally right in my own life. I may spend this lifetime trying to get it right, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t glean even more strength in the process. To love and be loved, to give just because it pleases you to please others. To find grace and dignity amid your own faults and shortcomings. To care enough about yourself and about those you love to keep trying.
That is strength.
That is what I want.
April 3, 2008 @ 7:17 am | Filed under: Family
”A sister is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit, a golden thread to the meaning of life.” ~Isadora James
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“Yay! I’m not the baby anymore! I’M THE MIDDLE CHILD NOW! Yay!”
Our newest little bundle of joy - my niece, Andrea Hope (Andi) - arrived late on Monday afternoon, officially making Kenzie a ‘big sister’ and no longer the baby of the family!
The three sisters - Madie, Kenzie, & Andi
Congratulations, Kevin & Robyn - we love you!
April 1, 2008 @ 9:57 am | Filed under: Soul Food
A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee…
You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.
A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up, She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.
Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.
In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl . Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, “Tell me what you see.” “Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” she replied.Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.
Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, “What does it mean, Mother?”
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile … Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.
The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.“Which are you?” she asked her daughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?”
Think of this: Which am I?
Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?
Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart? Or am I like the coffee bean?The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity?
Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?
The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
