2008 February | Staci Wilder

Archive for February, 2008

February 26, 2008 @ 7:27 am | Filed under: Uniquely Me

It’s almost scary how you can hear your mother’s voice inside your head at the weirdest moments.

Like last night.

I stood in the book store, holding one copy of the novel that I planned to buy for sure, and debating on whether or not to buy a second copy for myself.

The book, The Other Boleyn Girl, was a serious period piece and I knew that, as valiant as I might try, it was very doubtful that I would ever make it through to the end. I’m just not that into the Tudor and Elizabethan years even though, from a historical viewpoint, I find it all rather fascinating.

“Buy them both.” M encouraged me, but I could see the grin trying its best to crawl across his face. He is both in awe and amused at the ways and means of which my frugality sometimes shows itself.

The first book, a gift, would need to be shipped in the next few days to arrive in time for a birthday.

But I could skim it first, right…?

Just take a few quick peeks to see what great metaphors and imagery might lie just within the covers?

And then I heard it.

My mother’s voice.

And - truly - it was as though I were thirteen all over again.

“Isn’t that the book that you bought to give as a gift?” She had walked into my room, unannounced, and caught me deeply enthralled in a book I had purchased for a friend.

“Yes, but I’m being very careful. See?” I remember holding the book high, proud that I’d not even begun to crease the binding or smudge a page. “She’ll never know.”

“That is the rudest thing. You cannot do that.” She reached down and plucked the book out of my hands.

And that was that.

From that day until this one, I’ve not been able to crack a peek at a book that I had purchased as a gift.

Until last night.

We were at Borders, where Philippa Gregory, the author of The Other Boleyn Girl, would soon be speaking. Already, behind me, the chairs were quickly filling. I needed to make my decision, and quick.

It was simple, really. I would never finish the book, I knew that. Although I’d love to have a signed copy for myself, I attend enough book readings that I’m willing to wait for the ones I really covet. And this just wasn’t one of them.

I was there more for the author than the book itself. I love to hear ‘the story behind the story.’ And there is almost always a great one.

“Just this one.” I ignored M’s laughter as he took the book from me and headed to the register while I found us a couple of seats.

Minutes later, I sank into a chair amongst about seventy other readers, waiting for Philippa to make her appearance.

I relaxed against the back of the chair and took my first sip of the hot steamy cappacino I’d just purchased. It had been a good day, and the next hour promised to be equally as good.

I sat surrounded by feelings of just…goodness.

Good day.

Good coffee.

Good books.

Good company.

I was happy.

Not even the reprimanding voice of Mom could take that away.

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February 20, 2008 @ 9:36 am | Filed under: Mary & Martha Project

I finished my personal devotional study on Mary and Martha last night.

I know that most of these studies were designed to be a part of a morning devotion time but - for me - more and more often these past few weeks, this time has come at the end of the day.

Where studying in the morning helps to bring focus to the upcoming day, doing it at the end of the day does the same for me. After a day of writing my mind truly needs something to recenter it, to take everything that may have taken place throughout the day and wrap it all up with certain truths.

When I closed the book after reading the last few words, I felt as though I knew these two women intimately. They weren’t so different from me. I could very easily see characteristics of both Mary and Martha in my own life.

I’ve realized these last few weeks that many women perceive Martha to be the less desirable of the two. I know this is because we tend to view her as a whiner who just wasn’t willing to take the time to sit at Jesus’ feet and learn of Him.

But that just isn’t true at all. I’ve never felt that way about the story of Martha so it was a relief to find that this study helped me to solidify something I’ve always felt rather strongly about.

The story of Mary and Martha is a story of balance. It truly is that simple. I would imagine that everyone - male and female - needs that certain balance. But I know that it is especially true for us women.

To have too many days of ‘kitchen duty’ (Martha time) without a healthy dose of ‘living room’ intimacy (Mary time) can leave a woman feeling irritable, frustrated, low on joy, dry, with feelings of emptiness and isolation.

It’s difficult to actually speak, or even type, the words “Too much time in living room intimacy…” We women are kind of wired to believe that there just can’t be such a thing as too much time sitting at Jesus’ feet.

Taken literally, that is probably true. But, in the ‘real world’ (and - that is where we are called to live and work and serve) women encounter just as many adverse symptoms if they aren’t giving of themselves in some way that is productive and of service to others.

Depression, resentment of intrusion, low energy levels, apathetic attitude, frustration over current direction of life, and increased self-indulgence are all signs that we may, in fact, be lacking in the service department.

I awoke with that thought this morning. I know, I’m weird. Women wake up thinking about a sale on shoes, trying to dissect a conversation with a friend from the day before, her need for a manicure…Really important stuff, right?

But…no. It seems that more and more often it’s sometime during the nighttime hours that I receive answers to many of my daytime questions.

Yesterday’s question was why do I feel frustrated and so stagnated today?

I’ve actually wondered this the past several Tuesdays, but it wasn’t until yesterday that I actually felt the need to hunt down the answer. After coming off of Mondays - a day of fasting and really focused prayer - it would make sense to me that I should feel nothing short of rejuvenated, inspired, and ready to write volumes and volumes of equally inspiring words come Tuesday morning.

Yet, by the end of yesterday I struggled with low energy, frustration, and apathy. NOT the qualities I want to be known for, that’s for sure. So I finished the Martha and Mary study, went to bed, and - sometime during the night - I received the answer to my question.

My writing hours - though they are what I consider to be my ‘work’ - are an intense time of living room intimacy with Him. Though I sometimes complain about not being able to tap into the anointing that I desire on some days, the truth is that I spend lots of time in conversation with God. While writing, it’s almost like He’s sitting right next to me. I stay in constant communion with Him.

Coming off of my Mondays and diving right into very full writing weeks, translates into a lot of living room intimacy. Which is a good, good thing, I know. But, particularly weeks like this one, when I have no one to care for except myself, it is very easy to go several days without real interaction with others, and especially without giving of myself to others.

In short, I throw off the delicate balance that we women need to function at our very best.

So today - even though this should have been done yesterday - I am relishing my time with Him. But then I will rise from this spot and will walk out my door and into the world around me.

I will find ways to interact, to give, to serve today. Whether it’s spending a couple hours with my grandparents, meeting someone for lunch, or merely taking a few extra minutes during errand -running to make real eye contact and conversation with the strangers around me - I will let more of my Martha out.

Balance - it’s what makes life work well.

It’s what God has intended for His children from the beginning of time.

But…sometimes it’s not until the still and dark of the night that gentle reminders of this very basic principle suddenly come to light.

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February 9, 2008 @ 4:11 am | Filed under: Soul Food

“How did it go?”

A friend of mine called early this morning to tell me about the event she hosted last night for the pre-teen girls in her class. We had been brainstorming over this particular night for a while now and I was excited to hear all the details.

“I don’t know.” There was a definitely hesitancy in her voice, but also a little tremor of excitement. “Good, I think. But it went nothing like I expected. My plan? Straight out the window. It seemed like God kept moving me in a different direction.”

On my end, I was smiling as she talked. I could so relate. I thought back to the past several days, when I had journaled on more than one occasion almost the exact same thing. As I settled in to listen to her account of last night, I couldn’t help but wonder:

Just how many people are experiencing this same thing right now?

A few days ago I was skimming quickly through a news magazine, trying to catch up on any major headlines and current events. On one of the last pages, tucked between an article about the current reigning Miss America and details about the upcoming Grammy Awards, was a single-page article that still has me thinking about it today – almost a week later.

It detailed the story of how one forty-year-old man left a high-paying position in a prestigious field over a decade ago in order to fulfill what he felt like was the “next step” in his life, forming a nonprofit organization that repairs and then donates used cars for low-income individuals. During the years he worked at establishing this project, he took a job at a local bakery to support his wife and three children.

Now the nonprofit organization has multiple locations and has provided reliable transportation for over 3,000 individuals to date, enabling many of them to come off of welfare. When asked how he felt about being considered a visionary, his answer was low-key and matter of fact.

It was this answer that still resounds in my heart.

Stating that he has now been able to turn over most of the duties and responsibilities of this organization to capable people, he has, in turn, moved on to another new project—a life-mentoring program for the poor. “I always feel the answers are right in front of me.”

I’m thinking that God is doing an amazing global thing. Think of what could happen if we all tossed our ‘plans’ out the window and truly let Him lead us from one step to the next.

What mighty things would be accomplished if we stepped out into those waters over our head knowing nothing more than He will put any answers we may need right in front of us…WHEN it’s time for them?

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February 5, 2008 @ 9:53 am | Filed under: Mary & Martha Project

(The following is the lesson that launched The Mary & Martha Project in our Ladies WOW.)

I don’t remember the last time I’ve felt this stirred yet this invigorated - this convicted yet this liberated - this motivated yet this tranquil. All of this at play, at once - inside me!

I’m in awe of what God is doing right now and I’m especially in awe of how He’s moving a whole church full of people at the same time.

For three Sunday nights in a row now God has spoken to the deepest recesses of my heart. I knew from that first week that something mighty and powerful lay just ahead.

I’ve been in tremendous services before, I’ve felt His power, heard His voice, experienced His touch. And it made a difference, sure. Intimate times with you always make a difference.

But this time…

This time it seems as though each Sunday is just the catipulting point for the following week. It sets the stage. With each passing day He just keeps layering on more and more dimension, revealing just a bit more on Wednesday than He did on Monday, in different areas and ways on Fridays than He did on Tuesdays.

During last night’s sermon it was all I could do to stay on my seat. The illustration of being in a river and stepping off into waters over the head just about had me jumping out of my skin.

Inside I was screaming, That is it. That’s what You’ve been showing me, little by little, day by day. I’ve felt like such a child these past few weeks - like You’ve had to take me back to a few basics.

Trust me. Step out. Don’t look to the right, don’t look to the left. Reach out and take my hand; all you need to know is that I am with you. Just do this one thing. Don’t worry about the next step until it is time. Trust me. Trust me. Trust me.

More and more every day the story of Mary and Martha would come to my mind. I began to read it every day and – every day, it seemed – I’d get another little nugget out of it that I hadn’t seen the day before. God’s word is like that. It’s new and fresh every day.

In Luke, Chapter 10 it says:

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him.She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said.But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

The message seems so simple. Both women were friends of Jesus. Close friends. He loved this family. He loved them enough that He wept when their brother died.

Both women had unique talents and abilities. I have no doubt that Mary herself had served a great number of meals and - most likely - Martha had her own moments of listening instead of doing.

The fact that Jesus pointed out on this one occasion that “only one thing is needed,” and that Mary has “chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her,” doesn’t at all mean that Mary was any closer to Jesus or that He thought any less of Martha. On another given day, it could be that service was the “only one thing.”

But on this day, Jesus taught and Mary - in her hunger for more - was the one to sit at His feet.Charles Spurgeon spoke of Martha in one of his devotionals. “Her fault was not that she served.” The condition of a servant looks well every Christian. We ARE called to serve. Her fault was that she grew ‘cumbered with much serving,’ so that she forgot him and only remembered the service.”

I know all too well the tendency to feel trapped by saying ‘yes’ to one too many projects, committees, or programs - all in the name of service. Just like in the skit, it’s all too easy to let my heart be pulled away from doing things “unto the Lord” and instead just be thankful for simply getting things done.

This is where my heart and my soul have been these past few weeks. Knowing that I somehow had to get past the weights and burdens that seem to continually stack up. But I also knew that God wanted the same for each of you.

God, how on earth do I communicate this burden to these women? How do I tell them that this is the year of releasing our inner Mary and Martha’s?

Last night, in that gentle way that He has with me, His reminder was that it’s not about me. Not at all.

It’s not my responsibility to pinpoint an exact plan of how to present this year’s vision. I am one woman, and not a Superwoman, at that. I have a burden, yes, but it’s more of seeing everything in shadows; knowing what’s out there and yet not being able to pinpoint it exactly.

“Remember the ‘one thing.’” This reminder in a still, small voice made me smile.

A few days ago I had been reading a sidebar in a book called The Practical Power of “One Thing.” As I had quickly skimmed four short bullet points, I was amazed at how closely those four points echoed the past week of my life. These two really jumped out at me.

2. Ask God to reveal the next step. As you go through your day, keep asking the Lord, “What is the one thing I need to do next?” Don’t let the big picture overwhelm. Just take the next step as he reveals it…Tell about last Sunday night’s service.

After last Sunday night’s service, I have come to view my days as working out this First Step that He’s given to me. Each time this week that I’ve been tempted to jump ahead, think ahead, or worry ahead, I’ve reminded myself of Step One. Blinders on until Step One is complete.

3. Have faith that what needs to get done will get done. Since you have dedicated your day to the Lord, trust that He will show you the one thing or many things that must be done. Do what you can in the time allotted. Then trust that what wasn’t accomplished was either unnecessary or is being taken care of by God.

Hula hoops were all the rage when I was in elementary school. I remember that a good many of my friends owned several of them before I ever received my first one.It was red, with a thick white stripe running through the center.

I loved that thing.

I would stand out on the driveway, EVERY afternoon after school, practicing, practicing, practicing…

Over and over I would slip it over my head, let it shimmy down my shoulders and come to rest on non-existent (then) hips.There was only a quarter of a split second to start the hoop to spinning; if you missed that narrow window of opportunity, the hula hoop would just falter clumsily around the body a slow time or two and then land with a dull thud around the ankles.

It took me several days of non-stop tries and retries before I finally got the hang of what made the hoop spin like nobody’s business around my skinny little body. Once I got it though - the complexity of the previous days’ tries seemed so silly to me.

Very soon I was able to add two and three more hoops to my original one - and kept them all going for a very impressive amount of time!By then I could hardly believe that I had struggled so with the one hoop. I had somehow managed to turn something so simple into a frustrating series of spins, drops, and the wildest body motions ever - just to keep a plastic hoop spinning.

Most of my days lately are spent with several spinning hoops looping their way around my life. Trying to keep them all in motion at the same time has taken lots of tries and retries. Wife. Mother. Writer. Student. WOW. Nana. Friend. Daughter. Granddaughter.

I have probably dropped more of these hoops than even I would care to admit during the learning process. Over and over, I have slipped yet another “hoop” over my life and tried to catch that very brief - very narrow - window of opportunity required to achieve needed balance.

And - over and over, one or more of these hoops have given a less than stellar spin before falling, useless and clumsy, around my feet.

So on those days when the spinning feels out of control and not at all what it should be, I try my best to think back to those third grade days and the important nugget of truth that I discovered about the good ‘ol hula hoop.It’s all about finding your center.

Once you’ve found your center, you establish a certain steady easy-going rhythm and you let everything else move around that center. It’s not about wild body gyrations or fancy footwork or even great talent or ability.

It’s about tuning in to your center - your spiritual self - and then allowing the various hoops of your life to steadily and securely ring themselves around that very special rhythm you’ve established with Him.

God is doing a work. It’s not about me. It’s not about one person, or one group, or even one church. It’s about something vibrant that is about to come to fruition. It’s about reconciling the Mary and the Martha within each of us.

I know that many of you – if not all of you – are feeling something very similar to what I’ve been feeling. If you’ve been feeling - like me – a bit like a child these past few weeks - like He’s having to take you back to a few basics. Trust me. Step out. Don’t look to the right, don’t look to the left. Reach out and take my hand; all you need to know is that I am with you. Just do this one thing. Don’t worry about the next step until it is time. Trust me. Trust me. Trust me.

I want to share with you what God spoke to me this morning. For those of you who attended WOW on a regular basis last year, you KNOW I have never stood before you and told you that God spoke a specific word to me, for you. Tonight, I AM telling you just that.

This is what He wants you to know:

This is not just the basics. This is it.This is where it all gets exciting, where it all comes together - where all the years of growth and development culminate into this plan He has for us. It is truly just so mammoth in size and awesome in power that you have to be like small child in my arms before you can receive it.

I know without a doubt that this is such a widespread move right now. I know it is reaching into all avenues of the church, and this includes our women.

With every one I’ve spoken to in the past three weeks, it’s the same thing. God is doing a work, preparing this group of women to move in unity and as a sisterhood into waters - though they may be over our head and swirling about us - where healings will take place, where deliverance will be abundant, where burdens will be revealed, and ministries will spring up.

I honestly do not know how He is going to do this.

I was most nervous about tonight, and know that I can admit that here, in the safety of this sisterhood.

I am so not a Moses, but definitely so not an Aaron. It terrified me to think of standing in front of you and delivering what He gave to me. I know how difficult it is for me to verbally communicate things that I feel so deeply. I always walk away feeling like I wasn’t quite able to express it all adequately.

But…I trust Him.

I trust the confirmations he’s put in place every step of the way these past few weeks. He has put together a team of women with magnificent abilities and talents and - more than anything else - that share a common vision and burden. This is you. ALL of you.

All He’s asking of us tonight is - this one thing.

I can look back over last year and now see how You’ve moved us from the scattered places we all were to the united place where we now stand together, ready to wade out into those deeper waters we heard about last night.

Last year it was all about caring for the health of our women - spiritually, sure, but also physically and emotionally. We covered relationship issues, insecurity issues, trust issues and used team building exercises to help us learn to overcome some of the common boundaries that tend to separate us women. By the end of the year, the unity was there. We could look around our feet and see the bits of crumbled walls that You brought tumbling down amongst us.We’re ready for this time.

Do you want to know what we’re going to do?

We’re going to reach our family, one member at a time.

We’re going to tell people about the love of God – one person at a time.

We are going to hold positions. We may teach Sunday school, bake peanut brittle, visit the shut-ins, help with outreach, encourage a neighbor – but you know what? We’ll do it all just one step at a time.

We are going to hold an awesome, awesome fall retreat right here in our own church for all of our ladies as well as ladies in neighboring UPC churches. How are we going to do this? How are we going to fund this great undertaking? One M&M tube at a time.

We are one body, one unit. We are ready, equipped, and able to grasp hands and move as one into these waters. In my mind’s eye, I can truly see all the various fingers of the church merging together just like those tributaries that he talked about last night. We’re all merging into the same mighty flow of revival waters.

One thing is all that is needed.

Do you want to find YOUR one thing this year?

Do you feel like the woman in the skit who was trying to haul a wagon load of burdens all on her own? Do you feel spent, tired, void of energy, run down, depleted, irritated, agitated, restless, useless, overworked, underpaid, underappreciated?

God never intended for this journey to be work. He never intended for it to be hard. We’ll have hard days, sure. We’ll have a few hard trials. We’ve have some hard decisions. Some hard losses.

But this journey was created to be joyful. All over the world, people go to unimaginable lengths to find God – which is sad when you consider the unimaginable lengths God has already gone to find us.

He only asks one thing of each of us tonight. One thing.

He wants to give us the freedom He spoke of in Luke 10:42 – But one thing is needful. That one thing will always include true intimacy with Him.

I can’t do everything, but I can do “one thing.”

I can’t meet every need, fulfill every requested obligation, please everyone, but I can respond to His quiet voice and I can seek His will.

I can’t carry all loads that may get passed off to me, but I can carry the load that God has for me. Just for me.

His yoke is easy, and his burden is light.

One thing. That’s all He asks of us tonight.

To borrow a phrase from a friend of mine, “Sometimes we have to say no, to good things, so we can do the best thing.”

And - that too - is achieved one thing at a time.

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February 1, 2008 @ 6:54 am | Filed under: Mary & Martha Project

I woke up at four this morning, unable to return to sleep.

Monday night is on my mind, and I in in no way at all feel prepared yet to present what I feel on my heart for this year. Yet the past couple of weeks have been a reminder that I need not feel anxious or, really, even uncertain.

Last night as I soaked in a tub full of bubbles, I read again over the story of Mary and Martha. Inside of me, I know without a doubt everything that I want to see happen in the lives of the ladies this year. It’s almost like I can feel it just on the horizon. I guess this is what would be considered “the burden.”

God, how on earth do I communicate this burden?

Hopefully God hears bathtub prayers because that’s what I offered up to Him last night. The message seems so simple. Both women were friends of Jesus. Both women had unique talents and abilities. I have no doubt that Mary herself had served a great number of meals and - most likely - Martha had her own moments of listening instead of doing.

“Her fault was not that she served.” Charles Spurgeon spoke of Martha in one of his devotionals. “The condition of a servant well becomes every Christian. Her fault was that she grew ‘cumbered with much serving,’ so that she forgot him and only remembered the service.”

I know all too well the tendency to feel trapped by saying ‘yes’ to one too many projects, committees, or programs - all in the name of service. It’s all too easy to let my heart be pulled away from doing things “unto the Lord” and instead just be thankful for simply getting things done.

God, how on earth do I communicate this burden?

Last night, in that gentle way that He has with me, His reminder was that it’s not about me. Not at all.

“Remember the ‘one thing.’”

This reminder in a still, small voice made me smile.

Earlier in the morning I had been reading a sidebar in a book called The Practical Power of “One Thing.” As I had quickly skimmed the four short bullet points, I was amazed at how closely those four points echoed the past week of my life.

These two really jumped out at me.

2. Ask God to reveal the next step. As you go through your day, keep asking the Lord, “What is the one thing I need to do next?” Don’t let the big picture overwhelm. Just take the next step as he reveals it…

After last Sunday night’s service, I have come to view my days as working out this First Step that He’s given to me. Each time this week that I’ve been tempted to jump ahead, think ahead, or worry ahead, I’ve reminded myself of Step One. Blinders on until Step One is complete.

3. Have faith that what needs to get done will get done. Since you have dedicated your day to the Lord, trust that He will show you the one thing or many things that must be done. Do what you can in the time allotted. Then trust that what wasn’t accomplished was either unnecessary or is being taken care of by God.

Okay, here is where the smile turned into a full-on grin. I may have even laughed out loud. My mind immediately went back to last week, to the conversation with *him* when he told me that he takes care of everything that he can possibly get his hands to that have been entrusted to him and then he simply trusts God to take care of the rest.

I know he thinks I don’t always listen to him. But I do. I heard loud and clear. And - last night in my tubside impromptu devotion time - I was reminded of his words.

This year will be a slow-but-steady gaining of momentum and action. It began last Monday night at the planning session. Throughout this week, anointed emails have flown back and forth between committee members. On more than one occasion I’ve read something that someone has sent to the group and I’ve simply sat here at my computer and wept.

One thing is all that is needed.

That one thing is true intimacy with Him.

And - that too - is achieved one thing at a time.

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