Archive for December, 2007
December 17, 2007 @ 6:10 am | Filed under: Soul Food
The minutes and hours of today have tripped all over one another, intermingling and tangling in such a way until now the day almost behind me is nothing more than a blur of frantic activity.
As I worked through the day, tackling each item on my to-do list, my heart grew tighter and heavier. Emotion that I thought I had carefully stuffed away kept creeping up. I stayed at my desk and worked on, but I knew I couldn’t ignore this for much longer. I ran the errands, did the chores, attempted the work, and made a valiant effort at holiday preparations.
A couple of hours ago I gave it all up and closed myself in here in my office.
I needed what I call some P-U-S-H time.
Pray Until Something Happens.
I learned a long time ago that one of the secrets to answered prayer is persistent, prevailing, and persevering prayer. Not that God needs the time, or the repetition, or the reminder of anything on my heart.
But I need it.
On days like today I need nothing more than quiet time with Him. Time to bare my heart, time to cry, time to listen. Time to go to that inner sanctuary where I am safe and whole and cared for.
Today I needed to pray until something happened.
I have great kids, a great family, and a great future ahead of me. Yet my heart was not at rest today. And - probably because I can be stubborn - it took me a good part of the day to realize the reason why.
I was trying to handle everything on my own. Trying to chart courses to destinations I’m not even sure of yet. Trying to tie up so many loose ends that aren’t mine to manage. Trying to answer questions instead of ask them.
So now, hours later, I’m still sitting here in the semi-darkness of my office, still unsure of many things, but more certain than ever that I’m a child of the King.
When I’m sitting at His feet, where reassurance and confidence are in abundance, I’m renewed as a woman. All the things and issues and people that I carry in my heart are finally safe when I release them into His caring, capable hands.
My heart is full right now.
Full of love and of joy and of thankfulness that I have such a refuge for my soul.
