Archive for June, 2007

June 22, 2007 @ 6:34 pm | Filed under: Family

This is a picture of Amy, Nate, and Jorge on the day that Mike and I married. The day these three young people became siblings. For better for for worse.

As a young adult and an only child, Amy was thrilled to have two new younger brothers. She has doted on them from Day One. Truly, I think they can do no wrong in her eyes.

And Nate and Jorge - well, suffice it to say that they were more than just a little enamored of their new big sis. At 10 and 11 years old, they loved her unconditionally and completely.

Even so, as Mike and I blended our families we were faced with a lot of unknowns, and knew that we were in tricky territory. We approached it the only way we knew how - on our knees. While we had made the decision to have and to hold, to love and to honor, we knew we could place no such expectations upon our children and upon their relationship with one another and with us, as step-parents.

While there have certainly been the ordinary trials and tribulations of parenting teens, I know we’ve been blessed. As I joined the Wilder family, Amy had no need for another mother and I never tried to be that maternal figure in her life. Instead, we very quickly settled into a friendship that is deep, loving, and enduring. I am one of her confidants and feel honored each time she shares with me. She is an amazing woman who has since married an equally amazing guy and is mother to the two little lights in my life - Carter and Kendall.

Nate and Jorge have spent the entirety of their teen years with some excellent role models - their sister and her husband. It has been such a privilege as a woman to sit back and watch these relationships develop and mature as the years have peeled away. They have observed Paul and Amy graduating from college, marrying, and striving to achieve their personal goals and dreams. I love to listen as Paul interacts with the boys - he has a talent for drawing them out in conversation, and I know that this is because of the immense respect they have for him.

So here we are - years later - with Amy grown, married, and the mother of two toddlers. Nate is nineteen and Jorge is eighteen. Our family is once again in transition mode - this time this change of life is bringing Mike and I frightening (or is it gloriously?) close to the Empty Nest Stage as both boys will be living away from home on collge campuses come fall.

Because of this and also just because we love them and think the world of all of them, MIke and I decided last summer to take the entire family on vacation this year. In the morning, all eight of us will be on a 7:00 a.m. flight to Florida for one fun-filled, exciting week at Disney, at Cocoa Beach, and anywhere else in the area our kiddos decide they need to see.

While I am so looking forward to seeing the Magic Kingdom through Carter and Kendall’s eyes, and while - like Nate - I’m anxious to relax beachside with a great book and plenty of sunscreen, I must say that what thrills me most is the fact that for the first time ever OUR FAMILY will be spending nights together underneath ONE roof.

We have rented a 4-bedroom, 3-bath vacation pool home that will be our home-away-from-home for the next seven days. I can hardly wait for the sound of our three children as they talk, laugh, and share this very special time in our blended family history.

Life often throws us curve balls and presents us with scenarios that change and morph almost as often as we change our clothes. And yet - for THIS time - for THESE precious days ahead of me, I intend to do nothing except absorb the love that binds this unit together. The kids have grown and developed and changed as the years have gone by, but one thing has remained the same.

Mike and I still approach this blended family the same way we have since Day One. On our knees.

And as I finish my packing in the next few minutes and retire for the night in anticipation of an early rising, my heart is overflowing with gratitude to my God for blessing me with these marvelous people.

The people I call FAMILY. 

June 21, 2007 @ 5:09 am | Filed under: Family

Nana: Kendall Kate, who are you going on vacation with?

Kendall (who is snuggled in Pops’ lap while I sit on the floor next to them): I’m going wij YOU! (she reaches down and points to me)

Nana: Yes you are! Hey, can we take Pops with us?

Kendall: Yas. (Think ‘yes’ but in Kendall-ese)

Nana: Oh good. What about Carter? Can we take Carter with us?

Kendall (nodding): Yas. And…da boyz.

Nana: Great! So we’ll take Pops and Carter and the boys. Hey, let’s take your parents too. Can they go?

Kendall: No. (shakes blonde curls emphatically) They can’t go.

Nana: What? Are you serious? Come on, let’s take your mom and dad too, okay?

Kendall: No. No.

Nana: Really? Huh…Hey, listen. What characters do you want to see at Disney?

Kendall: I want to see Sinnerella, Seeping Booty, and Belle. And…da boyz.

Nana: I see, all the Princesses, huh? And the boys. You’re glad Uncle Nate and Uncle Jorge will be along, aren’t you?

Kendall: (nods again)

Nana: Okay, sounds good. We’re going to have SO much fun! (pause) Hey, Kendall. Let’s take your mom and dad with us. Okay?

Kendall: No. They. Can’t. Come.

Nana: Are you kidding me? Come on, they want to go to Disney too…

Kendall: NO. They have to work.

Nana (laughing because Pops is cracking up!): Seriously? They have to work, huh?

Kendall (nods with a serious look in her blue, blue eyes): Yas. A little bit.

For the record, Paul and Amy DO have tickets and WILL be making the trip with us. We just haven’t figured out how we’re going to smuggle them in yet…

June 20, 2007 @ 10:35 am | Filed under: Jorge

Jorge and I just returned from three days in San Marcos, where we attended student/parent orientation.

It’s for real. My baby is now a registered college freshman at Texas State, with his fall classes all lined out, his dorm assignment in hand, and his mother’s emotions all "a-flutter."

It’s weird sometimes how things don’t go like you anticipate. I thought I had each of my boys figured out. You know, had their personalities down to a T. And most of the time I do.

And then there’s those times - like this week - when it’s apparent that I don’t know as much as I thought I did.

Jorge, unlike his brother, has always been my independent one. He preferred to figure Lego diagrams out on his own rather than accept help.

He was the one who ignored skinned knees and bloody scrapes and climbed onto his little green bike again and again….and again…until at last he conquered the mystery of balancing without training wheels - and without parental help.

He is the one who has known for years what he planned to do with his life, and he’s never waivered from it. It isn’t something that he speaks a lot about, but his goals are sure and unwavering. He knows what he wants and he’s willing to do the work to get there.

He is the one who has spoken so calmly and matter-of-factly about his upcoming transition to college life. Never for one second did I think he would ever have second thoughts, or anxiety, or just plain ‘ol uncertainty about this phase of his life.

So imagine my surprise when I receive a call from him late on Monday night. We had split into our different sessions at eleven that morning and I’d not seen him since then. I was staying in a nearby motel and he was staying in a dorm on campus.

"Hey." His voice was low and husky when I answered.

"Hey." I felt my insides quaver just a bit as I tried to decipher this new sound in his tone. "You okay?"

"Sure." He paused and I waited. "But listen, I was just reading over our schedule for tomorrow and I noticed that parents can join us for breakfast. So I was wondering if you could meet me here at 6:45 in the morning?"

"I’ll be there." I had to hold back tears as I gave my word. I felt so many things in that one, precious moment. Pride. Protectiveness. Joy. Fear. Hesitation. More pride. More joy. It was that wonderful,  indescribable tug-of-war that we moms must endure as our children grow up and learn to navigate the world all on their own.

It’s essential that they learn to do it.

It’s equally essential that we LET them do it.

But Jorge confirmed for me the one thing I needed to have confirmed in that precious phone call.

He’s still my boy.

I’m still his mama.

And it doesn’t matter if he’s eighteen, or twenty-eight, or forty-eight - when he calls me and asks me to meet him for breakfast at 6:45 in the morning - I’ll be there.

In the meantime, it looks as though I’m now not only a BearKat mama, but also a Bobcat mama. How will I ever keep it all straight…?

June 16, 2007 @ 3:05 pm | Filed under: Family

Carter:  Hey Nana, did you know it’s almost time for vacation?

Nana: Yes! I’m so excited! What about you? Are you looking forward to Disney?

Carter: (nodding) Uh-huh. I’m excited.

<l-o-n-g pause>

Carter: Hey Nana.

Nana: What, buddy?

Carter: I think maybe I forgot to mention that, uh, I’m afraid of heights.

Nana: Well, that’s okay. Not a problem. You don’t have to ride anything at Disney you don’t feel comfortable with. Nana doesn’t really like scary rides either. Trust me, not a problem.

Carter: What about the plane?

Nana: (realization slowly dawning) Ohhhh…. (thinking this could be a problem, Nana has to think really fast…) A plane is really a lot like your living room. Once we’re in the air, you’ll feel really safe. Really. It’ll be fine. Fun! Really. Really.

Carter: Oh. Okay. Hey, Nana.

Nana: Yes, Carter?

Carter: Is Pops flying the plane?

Nana: (REALLY understanding now, and trying very hard not to laugh out loud.) No, buddy. Not this plane. Pops flies small planes. We’re going on a jet plane. Big, huge. Totally safe and not scary. Really.

Carter: (finally looking somewhat convinced) Okay. Hey, will there be bunk beds in our house?

Nana: Uh, I don’t think there are bunk beds but one of the bedrooms has two twin beds in it. One for you and one for Kendall.

Carter: Oh. Okay. (scratching his head) But if it’s a girly bed, I’m sleeping on the floor!

Nana: I’m pretty sure it won’t be a girly bed…

Carter: I’m just saying. If it’s pink or anything, I’m sleeping on the floor!

Nana: Gotcha. If it’s a girly bed, I promise Nana will find you another place to sleep. Promise.

Carter: (nodding) Okay. So how many more days till we leave?

Nana: One more week.

Carter: One more week? (thinking) So how long is that?

Nana: Seven nights. You just have to sleep seven more nights and then it will be the day we leave.

Carter: Seven more nights? Okay. Hey, I want to sit next to Jordan on the plane. It that okay? Can I sit next to Jordan?

Nana smiled, thinking that sounded like a great plan! Uncle Jorge always has really fun answers for the kids…

June 15, 2007 @ 2:22 pm | Filed under: Uniquely Me

I think of these three words and smile.

Every. Single. Time. 

A poor use of the English language?

Yep, prolly so…

Still, sometimes just the right person uses just the right words at just the right time…and it creates a lasting memory.

Samuel La did that for me with these three short words. With his oh-so-cute dark, soulful eyes and a slight shrug of his shoulders, he uttered "I got nothin’" literally every Sunday morning for an entire six months.

Before each lesson, my co-teacher and I would go around the room and ask each of the seven year olds to name one great thing that happened during their week. We always heard a wide range of subjects.

"I made all A’s on my report card."

"My friend had a sleep-over and I got to go."

"God healed my dog. He doesn’t scratch anymore."

You name it, that class of second-graders had done it, seen it, and never failed to report it. (Parents: you should be afraid, very afraid! lol)

And yet, when it was Sam’s turn, he would stare off into space, trying with everything within him to conjure up some great praise report. Or…um…he gave the appearance of giving it his best shot. With a tilted head and knit brows, he’d pause and pause and pause…and pause…

"Come on, Sam. Anything. How about school? Anything great happen?"

"Hey, Sam. Tell us about some cool place you and your family went this week!"

"Sam, my buddy, tell me the funniest thing that you heard this week."

But, like clockwork, Sam’s response was always the same. With a barely disguised grin, he’d finally shrug and look me straight in the eyes. "I got nothin’."

I love that little guy! I may have been his teacher each Sunday but he taught me many, many things about laughter. Now we all knew that Sam had many grand and great things going on in his life. And he knew we knew it. But it was a game and it was one in which he never, ever dropped the ball. Now whenever I want to cop out of answering a question or just feel like eliciting a smile from my family or close friends, I know just what three words to pull out of my hat.

"I got nothin’."

This is Sam, with Keilani. I miss them both since they’ve been promoted up to the big ‘ol 3rd grade class! 

This is how I’ve felt lately as I’ve sat down at this very computer to blog. "Help! I got nothin’!" While a million-and-one things vyed for my attention I’ve had very little inspiration or inclination to post on any of them.

But that certainly doesn’t mean that great and grand things haven’t been happening in my life. And since I have absolutely nothing (still!) of true relevence to write about, I’ll just tell you about what I’ve been up to this summer.

After a year of grueling school and writing schedules, I gave myself a gift at the beginning of this summer. A chance to get healthy. Really, truly healthy. I opted out of my scheduled Maymester and summer courses, took a month off of writing and - next to God and my family - made my health top priority.

It has taken a little while to find the rhythm that is right for my own body but, now that that rhythm has been tapped, I’ve settled into something that feels very, very close to harmony. Combining a concentrated effort at healthy decision-making with daily exercise, my body is slowly but surely responding in soft and subtle ways. I walk every morning, bright and early, averaging 3-6 miles per day. The day I was actually able to begin running on the treadmill without growing winded after two minutes was a red-letter day in my life.

A very wise and close friend told me years ago to "eat balanced meals and let your weight fall where it will." That can be a very scary statement for us girls, can’t it? But the truth is that, after literally yo-yo dieting for most of my adult life, I am finally doing just that. And you know what? The pounds are falling off. Naturally. Without pain, without deprivation, without guilt. And that’s an entirely new concept for me, let me tell you!

Does that mean that I have to say "no" to all the things I love? NO! I’m a chips & salsa girl through and through. Truly, it should be a food group all on its own, don’t you think? If I was a prisoner on death row, I promise chips and salsa would no doubt be my last request. And no way am I going to give up romantic Friday night homemade pasta dinner nights with my husband! But I’m finally learning what moderation is all about. I’m listening to my body for the first time ever and I’m making a concentrated effort to give it what it needs to be healthy.

Since we banned scales from our home last year, I have no real idea what my starting weight was, or what it is now. So I’ll never know the exact statistics of this summer gift to myself. But what I DO know is that I’ve never felt healthier, more energized, or happier. The exercise has played such a dramatic role in reducing the stress that had plagued me for months. And the insomnia I suffered from? GONE. G-O-N-E! Now I can hardly wait to crawl into my bed at night, snuggle down, and fall into a peaceful sleep.

But aside from the fact that I love that I’m feeding my body fuel that is GOOD for it, and in addition to the surprising realization that I really do love the feeling of a grueling, sweaty workout, is the best part of this whole gift to myself. I am sharing this ride with my friends. These are the women who know my struggles and my weaknesses and my bad habits. Sharing walks, Friday morning tennis games, Monday night Rough Rider games, and countless emails and IMs and texts encouraging one another to stay the course has only enriched our already amazing friendship. (Girls, I love ya!)

I know that in a few short weeks the hectic schedule will pick up again. I begin revisions on Finding Faith in two weeks, and then will be preparing the boys to head off to college in July, and will be beginning fall classes myself in August. But even as the pace increases, I pray that this summer gift to myself will only continue to blossom. Or, um…shrink. Oh, you know what I mean!

So even on days like this when it seems as though I have nothing to say, the truth is that I have more than ever!

I have God. I have the love of family and friends. I have health, and happiness, and one remarkable gift to myself.

God gifted me with one body.

The least I can do is take good care of it.

June 13, 2007 @ 7:56 am | Filed under: Friends

The older I become the more appreciative I am of the true girl friends that fill my life.

While I’m not old, I’ve certainly lived long enough to recognize the futility that comes hand-in-hand with senseless competitiveness and desperate struggles to be everything you think your friend (or neighbor or sister or cousin or even a perfect stranger) is.

As I begin my cruise through mid-life I am thankful for the great group of gals that surround me. They praise my strengths and tolerate my idiosyncracies. They cry with me and laugh with me. They know I’m not perfect and yet they’re okay with that. My secrets, hopes, and dreams are buried in the vaults that are their hearts. My name is safe on their lips.

It hasn’t always been this way and - because of that - I am so thankful for this stage in my life. It takes a while to see the world and our place in it with clarity. It takes even longer to understand that no one can fill our exact place, just as we cannot even begin to fill someone else’s. We’re unique, God’s Originals.

The reality is that we, as women, tend to wear veneers, whether thick or thin, that shield our vulnerabilities and present only the "pretty" side of ourselves. The side we want others to see. The side WE choose, not necessarily the portrait of the woman God created us to be.

A few years back I made a very conscious decision to remove myself from the pettiness that we women sometimes fall prey to. I became very aware that most women are not so much unlike…me. We come in all shapes, all sizes, all makes and models, but the essentials are very familiar.

We need to be loved, appreciated, respected…all of these, for sure. But what we need more than anything is TO love. To love without boundaries, without limits, without expectations. To truly love is the greatest gift and women are abundantly endowed with it. We’re nurturers by nature and, yet, so often we fail to nurture and support one another.

We’re a sisterhood and our strongest ally is most likely standing right by our side. But she may too shy, too opinionated, too angry, or too - goofy, even - to approach. Even so, I have a feeling that her heart beats much the same as mine does. I’m quite sure that her arms shelter someone much as my own do, and that her eyes drip tears of joy and sadness and pain…exactly as my eyes do.

She has hurts and disappointments. Pride and shame. Strengths and weaknesses. Irritating habits and endearing characteristics . She is my sister. My friend. My neighbor. The woman next to me in line at Target. She is the young girl that sits next to me in history class and she is the elderly woman that I pass weekly at church.

I may not always know her name.

But I pray I always see her.

She’s not all that different from me.

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot often arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been created to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house."

The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot’s side?"

"That’s because I have always known about flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them. For two years I have been able to put beautiful flowers on my table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace my home."

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it’s the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.

You’ve got to just take each person for what they are and expect the good.

For all of my cracked-pot friends - whether I know your name, just recognize you by sight, or quite possibly have not even met you yet - have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on YOUR side of the path!

June 11, 2007 @ 9:53 am | Filed under: The Writing Life, Uniquely Me

I’ve tried for days to think of something thought-provoking, or inspirational, or - hey - just funny, to share with you. Nothing. Nada. Not. a. thing.

"I got nothing." (More on this atrocious yet humorous use of the English language in a future post.)

Whoa! Did I actually just say I already had material for another post? Maybe my dry spell is about to end just as I’m about to admit that my creative flow must have taken a very hasty and unplanned vacation because I’ve had nothing of substance to offer.

So - it it’s okay - I’ll just share the trivial, yet meaningful. How’s that for a compromise?

Last August I blogged about writing spaces. I interviewed and collected pics of office photos from twelve of my writing friends and posted them, secretly getting a thrill out of "seeing" where all the inspiration takes place.

Fast forward to the present and I’m now sitting in my newly put-together office, tucked away in a corner bedroom of our new house. Now since I’ve always officed out of our bedroom, you may be wondering why THIS room rates blog-worthiness. Well - for starters - there is no BED in here!

It is an honest-to-goodness, office-only, writing space. For me. Just me.

 

To say that I’m loving this space would be a HUGE understatement but, because this is a blog and because I’m currently suffering from proper word retrieval, let’s just say that…I’m lovin’ it! During the daytime, natural sunlight filters in, bathing the room in a soft, almost translucent, light. And at night, my many lamps lend a homey, cheerful place that my son and his friends enjoy hanging out in.

Ooops. That’s right, it’s suppose to be MY space, right? But I have to say that I love having my family get as much enjoyment from it as I do. Even if that does mean that Jorge and his pals take over my computer, desk, and guest chairs many evenings!

While I write, or email, or do research, or pay bills, I am completely surrounded by things that inspire me. Photos of my family. My journal that my friend, Bonnie, made for me. A Kristin Schobert original painting. And books. Lots and lots and lots of…books! But one very special one, The Greatest Salesman in the World, has a place of prominence on my desk, where it is always very visible to me.

And there you have it. The 5 cent tour of the office of Staci Wilder. Just as soon as my scrapbook work station is set up in one corner of the room, I’ll be live with pics and pans from there as well.

Until then…or until something creative decides to give me another chance, I’m signing off and going to grab a Diet Coke. 

Toodles, y’all.

June 5, 2007 @ 3:53 pm | Filed under: Jorge

June 1, 2007 @ 2:15 pm | Filed under: Jorge

Here I sit, mere hours before Jorge walks across the stage, shakes the principal’s hand, and finally grasps the long-awaited diploma. As most moms do, the past few days have been full of memories as I’ve reviewed the past twelve years of his school life. It’s a kick in the head to realize that, as of tonight, we no longer have "school-age" children.

What I’m loving about this year is that I’m truly in the moment. Enjoying the entire process. I suppose I’m just as emotional as I was last year this time as we went through Nate’s end-of-senior-year activities. But now I’m keenly aware that if I allow myself to indulge in the tears and the nostalgia and the sheer, unadulterated emotion, I may well miss out on on one very important fact: this is it. My baby, the final child in our household, is crossing the threshold between child and man.

While I will most certainly wipe a few errant tears tonight as my heart thuds with maternal pride along about eight o’clock, I intend to relish this milestone to the fullest. And, for those of you interested, there will be a full pictorial soon, very soon. Probably tomorrow, knowing me.

Until then…I’m off to put new batteries in the camera, place the final touches on party preparations for tomorrow, and then take a moment to…breathe.

And enjoy the moment.