December 27, 2006 @ 1:48 pm | Filed under: Food and Drink

Here I sit - at the computer -  with a mind [that I thought was ready] to work on my Wintermester school project and a heart just aching to get started on that "Who Am I, Really?" speech [if you buy THAT, then I have a bridge in Brooklyn...]that I present at 1:00 this next Tuesday.

Instead, what am I doing?  I’m thinking about that last piece of pumpkin pie that I ate for breakfast this morning and I’m wondering just how difficult it’s going to be to get back to my little-or-no-real-sugar way of life. Probably not so easy, I’m just saying…

So when I came across these holiday eating tips, I was amused. Wouldn’t it be a crazy kind of wonderful to be able to enjoy guilt-free indulgence in chocolate cake like Madie and Kenzie in this photo?

Oh, to remember the simple joys in life…

Enjoy!

HOLIDAY

EATING TIPS TO LIVE BY

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet has no Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re probably serving chocolate peanut-butter balls.

2.  Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly, it’s rare. You can only find it for, like, three weeks out of the entire year! So drink up while you can. Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every 6 oz cup…

3.  As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole. If they’re made with skim, then pass. Why bother? That’s like buying a fancy sports car with an automatic transmission.

4.  Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to eat less once there. The whole point of going to a holiday party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it! Hello?

5.  Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. Wait until January when you have nothing better to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10 pound plate of food.

6.  If you come across something really good at the buffet table, like a wonderfully frosted cookie, position yourself close to that platter and don’t budge. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’ll never see them again!

7.  Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with obligatory holiday calories, but avoid it at all costs. I mean, I have SOME standards!

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, "Woohoo! What a ride!"