October 30, 2006 @ 7:08 am | Filed under: Family

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."

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This morning is one of those bittersweet mornings.

A part of me (a large part) is quiet and at peace. I just returned from a wonderfully relaxing weekend where I had all three of my guys all to myself for forty-eight straight hours. My soul is tranquil this morning as I think back over the conversations, the laughs, and yes, even a few tears, of the past few days.

On the other hand, I feel as though the hole in my heart is a little larger than it was when I left town on Friday. It was tough leaving Nate behind and now, more than ever, I realize that when we left him at college in August, I was stoic because I had to be.

Now, with that memorable event fading in our rear-view mirror, it’s tough to give that last hug before climbing back into the car. It’s tough to see the homesickness in his eyes and hear it in his voice and know that there’s nothing you can do to make it better. Except encourage him and begin to plan his week at home over Thanksgiving. He’s almost nineteen and doing fantastic and I couldn’t be more proud. But in my heart he’ll always be my little boy.

The weekend, though, was fantabulous! Mike, Jordan, and I rolled into College Town, USA, around six o’clock, checked into our hotel, and then picked Nate up at his dorm. We went to Margarita’s (they have the BEST chips & salsa) and sat at our table, talking, laughing, and catching up for the longest.

Then we drove to the campus and just walked it in the dark, enjoying one another’s company and feeling no hurry whatsoever. In fact, the catch phrase for the entire weekend was "hey, I don’t have to be anywhere until Monday morning." We ended the night at Starbucks, drinking macchiotas and doing a whole lotta of nothin’. It was great.

On Saturday morning, the brothers spent some quality time together while Mike and I attended a Parent’s Coffee with Administrators. This weekend was also Jordan’s official SH visit (it’s one of three colleges he has applied to) so who better to navigate the campus and point out the highlights than a SH student who also happens to be your brother, right? The coffee was lots of fun. We met several of the deans and talked to another couple who also have two sons. This parenting thing is quite the fraternity. It’s amazing how connected you can quickly feel to people in the same boat as you are.

Later that afternoon we drove to The Woodlands, about thirty miles away, and checked into two rooms in a Marriott there. This was a time we’d all been looking forward to. For twenty-four hours we shopped, ate, walked, slept, and just basically existed as a family. It was beyond magnificent. I didn’t realize how much I needed this time with these three guys until I was in the midst of it. After sleeping in the next morning, we enjoyed a leisurely brunch and then…another good-bye.

We left Mike in the Houston area with the van since he had meetings there this morning (tearful good-bye No. 1) and Jordan and I delivered Nate back to SH in the rental car (tearful good-bye No. 2) and then headed back home.

One thing that made me laugh in the big middle of my melt-down was the armful of unopened and unread newspapers that Nate handed over to Jordan. A subscription to the Houston Chronicle is delivered daily to Nate and his roommate, but neither are paper-readers (but Jorge IS) so Nate saves them for his brother. On the drive home, I think the brothers talked to each other three times! I’ve always known they love each other fiercely, but this weekend meant a lot to them and it was very obvious.

But now it’s the "morning after" and I’m doing my best to shelve my conflicted feelings and press on. I have a major history test tomorrow, as well as a Religions paper to write, so today is pretty much spoken for.

My head will be immersed in Andrew Jackson, the Articles of Conferederation, and temperance; I’ll write a (hopefully) riveting paper detailing what The Sermon on the Mount tells me about Christianity…but my heart will still be a few hours behind my head, still soaking up the time spent with my three most favorite guys on the planet…

Better run…I think I hear ‘ol Andrew calling my name right now…