July 27, 2006 @ 8:49 am | Filed under: Uncategorized

As the mother of two (almost grown) boys, this summer is finding me virtually overwhelmed with emotions of all kinds.

Torn between immense pride and bittersweet regrets, I constantly alternate between anticipation of the men they are about to become and a lonesome ache for the little boys they once were.

When I think of Nate and Jorge, in my mind’s eye they are still two and three years old. Tow-headed little guys who loved their Grandmommy, their sandbox, and Little Debbie snacks (not necessarily always in that order) to distraction.

As a young mother I seemed to always be shouting instructing, "You CANNOT jump on that bed!"

Or, "You CANNOT ride your bike in the street, what were you thinking?"

Or – maybe the best yet – "You CANNOT hit your brother! WHO told you it was all right to do this?"

Of course, later on, the list of CANNOTs grew in severity of nature and consequence and, most of the time, was not a pleasant time for any of us. Lectures on peer pressure, making right choices, and dealing with repercussions when wrong ones were chosen instead were tough to give. And, for them, I’m sure they were tough to hear.

This morning, as my two young men – whose feet now hang off the ends of their beds – continue to sleep in, my heart is spilling over. I wonder if, in the big midst of all the CANNOTs, I also gave enough YOU CANs.

And I’m wondering if I’m about ready to turn over eighteen years worth of letters to the two people who made my job as their mother the absolute best ride – ever. I wrote them notes and letters on all occasions, but more especially in times of great angst or great pride.

Birthdays, groundings, fights arguments, times of success in school and in the home…I write to purge myself of feelings and emotions that beg for release but can’t yet be trusted in verbal wordage.

So I wrote.

But did I ever say some of these things aloud? And, if I did, did I say them enough?

So, today, in honor of all that I am feeling and sorting through, here are thirteen things I absolutely, without-a-doubt, believe my boys CAN do. And this is a list that I will share with them…today.

Nate and Jorge,

1. You CAN be anything you want to be. You are my child but, more importantly, you are a child of God. Playing it small doesn’t serve the world. Don’t shrink just so the folks around you will feel more secure. You were born to manifest the glory of God that is inside of you.
2. You CAN follow your dreams. It’s okay. Vincent Van Gogh once said, "If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint,’ then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced." There is so much hidden strength inside of you, just waiting to be discovered.
3. You CAN make a difference in the world around you. I promise. Don’t be afraid to be the one who stops and chats with the guy or gal who is lonely, or alone. Don’t hesitate to offer your own knowledge, compassion, and wisdom to the people around you. You have such value. It is yours to share.
4. You CAN make this transition from boyhood to manhood, and quite successfully at that. Stay away from people who throw rocks at your ambitions and laugh at your dreams. Surround yourself with the people who are courageous enough to not only dream their own dreams, but also share yours.
5. You CAN be an individual. Be proud of who you are. You’re a marvel, a masterpiece. No one quite has your eyes, or your fingers, or your mind. Take care of these gifts from God. Use your talents wisely, but largely.
6. You CAN overcome adversity. Like it or not, life is full of challenges. Some see them as obstacles, while others will call them opportunities. I pray you’ll see each challenge as the opportunity to change something for the better.
7. You CAN recover from mistakes. Failure, too, is a fact of life. I’ve certainly made my share (probably more) of bad choices, and you will too. But don’t let those disappointing moments be what defines you. Rise up and try again.
8. You CAN turn a disability or a handicap into something beautiful. I think it was Martin Luther King, Jr., who said to take the first step in faith. You don’t have to have a clear view of the entire staircase, just take the first step.
9. You CAN be joyful. I learned when I was just a few years older than the two of you the difference between joy and happiness. Happiness too often is determined by things or people or circumstances. But joy – wow, joy begins on the inside and works its way to the outside. Be happy with the person that you are. Take time to know yourself, your beliefs, and your dreams. Joy is in those things. Trust me on this.
10. You CAN smile, even when you don’t really want to. “Smile at each other, smile at your wife, smile at your husband, smile at your children, smile at each other — it doesn’t matter who it is –and that will help you to grow up in greater love for each other.” —Mother Teresa
11. You CAN change the world. I believe in you. God believes in you. Listen to this old proverb and then claim it as your own. "If there is light in the soul, there will be beauty in the person. If there is beauty in the person, there will be harmony in the house. If there is harmony in the house, there will be order in the nation. If there is order in the nation, there will be peace in the world." Guys, let it start with you.
12. You CAN be friendly even when you’re feeling anything BUT. It’s hard, I know, but – take it from me – it’s worth the effort. It’s amazing how much one forced, yet geniune, smile to another person can change your own attitude or view of the day. Smiles are life-changing. They can change yours, and they can change others.
13. You CAN always…call ME. I’m your mother, the one who loves you no matter what. That will never, ever change. You’ll grow to be men with families and careers and lives that are separate and apart from my own. But our hearts will always be entwined and your dreams and your feelings and the essence of who you are will always be safe with me.

I love you,

Mom